Esnesnon Customs
When the result of the trial became known there were those who, feeling disappointed and dissatisfied, cried out that there had been a miscarriage of justice. And none were louder in this outcry then Mrs Sregdorpittemmocaig and Mrs Ytidrusba. In fact, the latter lady went so far as to hint that her husband had been guilty of tampering with the judges, and this hint seemed to promise rather a warm time of it for the unfortunate gentleman. Even ladies knowing Mrs Ytidrusba's peculiar temperament were not slow to express sympathy with the poor husband. As for Mrs. she seemed to go raving mad if she had not always been so. She shrieked louder than ever. And, of course, her favourite. grievance of the drivers was mixed up with her abuse of Flin, of the judges, of the King, of the country in general, and, in short, of everything that did not please her. And as it was very evident little or nothing did please her, her complaints were rather numerous.
Allied to this violent lady was Dr. Yrekcauq. This gentleman's bitterness so far got the better of his discretion and courtesy as to lead him to write a pamphlet anonymously, in which he heaped the vilest abuse on the head of the Court magician, Ytidrusba, saying that his knowledge was of the shallowest kind, and, in fact, that he was a "quack," a "humbug," and an "impostor."
Of course, the two leading papers entered the lists and kept the ball rolling, and so the row promised to be long and violent. In fact, so serious did it become, and public feeling was so strong in the matter, that it was considered necessary by the Government that the military should be called out. The result was something like twenty thousand Amazons were quartered in the city. They were an awfully wild lot, and in spite of the strict military discipline which was enforced, it was utterly impossible to stop them using their tongues, so that the peace of the town was broken up and the place became a Babel. Many attempts had been made from time to time to prevent these female soldiers from talking, but everything had hitherto signally failed. And it was left for a very waggish, but, alas! too daring male to suggest what seemed to be the most effectual remedy. This he did in an anonymous letter to the Government organ, in which he advocated the passing of an Act making it compulsory on every woman presenting herself for military service to have her tongue cut, as he considered that a woman had no business to talk, excepting on very rare occasions.
Although this suggestion was made with the best of motives, the end of the author was horrible in the extreme. In spite of his anonymity he was traced; it is supposed he was betrayed by some female relative. One night when he had just risen to prepare some food for his youngest baby, four masked women entered the room, and in a stern and terrible voice commanded the wretched fellow to follow them. The unhappy male appealed to his wife for protection, but she turned a deaf ear to his entreaties. Then, seeing that all hope had gone, he kissed his children, said farewell to his miserable wife, and pressing his lips firmly together, showed his tormentors how a brave male should die. He was taken away, but his fate was never actually known, although it was stated as a fact that he was led by his captors to a large cavern some distance out of the city and there talked to death by two hundred women. This, however, seems so diabolical in its fiendish atrocity that it is charitable to suppose, for the honour and credit of the female sex, that the statement was really a libel, and that some more merciful end was accorded him.
It would really be a difficult thing here to convey anything like an adequate notion of the misery caused by the disorganised state of society in Esnesnon. Owing to Flin's trial all the women seemed to go mad, and of course poor, unfortunate man suffered in consequence. The matter came before Parliament, and the result was one of the stormiest discussions on record. Many of the members suggested that, with a view of restoring things to their normal condition again, Flin should be banished or kept a close prisoner in some stronghold. But this was vigorously opposed by the Princess's party, who were largely in the majority. But it gave rise to no end of bitterness and bad feeling.
Time, however as in every other country served to heal the wounds, and after the proverbial nine days Flin ceased to be a wonder, and he was enabled to go about without attracting any great amount of attention. He availed himself of this opportunity to make himself better acquainted with the Esnesnonites and their customs, which were curious enough in all conscience.
But the thing that will strike us as being most singular was the manner in which the clothes were cleaned. Cold mutton and washing-days are institutions with us; but in Esnesnon such things were unknown. In fields situated outside of the town were large furnaces, and into these all the dirty clothes were cast, and after being subjected to the flames for fifteen minutes, they were drawn out and sent home to the owners perfectly cleansed. Burial was also unknown, but in its place inurning was in vogue. The dead body was placed in a platinum oven, and then calcined by means of currents of electricity. The ashes were afterwards collected and placed in a diamond vase. The vase was then hermetically sealed, and stood on a gold pedestal in places outside of the town appointed for the purpose. The cemeteries, if they may so be called, were amongst the prettiest sights of Esnesnon. The rows of crystal vases on the pure polished gold shafts, which stood amongst the most brilliantly-coloured flowers and graceful trees, produced an effect that was exquisite.
The most precious metal in Esnesnon was tin, and from this all the valuable coins were made, as well as articles of personal adornment. In the botanical world there were many plants that were said in the upper world to be extinct. And amongst these was asterophyllite. In the fauna, apart form the menopome, already mentioned, there were the anoplotherium and the augustherium. The latter were kept by the people as watch-dogs. The labyrinthodon was also found in the seas. After seeing one of these gigantic reptiles floating in the water one day, Mr Flonatin states that he no longer felt any doubt as to the truthfulness of the stories about the "great sea serpents" current in the upper world. He expresses a strong conviction that this reptile was not extinct as naturalists led us to suppose, but still inhabited some of the upper world oceans.
It was seldom that the Esnesnonsites went to war with other countries, for they had reached such perfection in the science of artillery and explosives that military manoeuvring was not necessary as there were no personal encounters between armies. They had a gun which threw a shell sixty miles. And this shell on exploding would almost destroy a town. It was loaded with a mineral found in the earth which was soaked for a number of days in a powerful acid, and then acquired most extraordinary explosive properties. Its power was beyond anything that the imagination could picture. A few grains when confined were sufficient to shatter a large building. They also had another gun which would discharge thousands of small round shot every time it was fired. And it could be loaded and fired at the rate of forty times a minute, by simply pressing a button that set a powerful current of electricity free, the gun being self-feeding, while a third gun was constructed to hurl showers of small poisoned arrows. This was a most fearful weapon, as the arrows were so small and fired with such terrific force that one would pass through the bodies of several persons, and if their points only happened to touch the skin death was certain.
All these weapons were the inventions of women, and all the soldiers were women. The standing army was very small, just sufficient to keep order in Esnesnon. But in the event of war there would be a general conscription, when every woman under a hundred would be liable for military service.
War, however, was always a very remote contingency. Woman exercised all her ingenuity in inventing these diabolical engines of death, but it must be confessed that she didn't like the smell of powder. There was a story extant during Mr Flonatin's sojourn amongst them, that some hundreds of years previous to his arrival there had been a battle between the Esnesnonites and a neighbouring country. When the contending armies were brought face to face they forgot all about their weapons, flew at each other like enraged tigers, and pulled each other's hair out in handfuls. Since then there had been no battle, and the military engineers had devoted all their time to inventions. The enormous sums that were annually spent in carrying out these inventions were one of the reasons of the national exchequer being so empty. Poor old King Gubmuh knew this. But he was powerless to do anything to stay the dreadful waste. If he complained to his ministers they told him that he was not in a position to judge, and that it was quite useless to have a Parliament if the King was to interfere whenever he like. In fact, on one occasion, when the burden of his position weighed upon him more heavily than usual, he ventured to enter a very strong protest against the tyrannical manner in which he himself was governed, and in reply some of the most influential ladies at Court politely hinted that if he did not keep quiet they would find it necessary, in the interest of that great people, to call upon him to resign on the plea of imbecility and allow his daughter to ascend the throne. In fact, Flin was not slow to observe that there was a general desire amongst the female population for the King to abdicate in favour of his daughter. But as this would strengthen woman's power considerably, Mr Flonatin determined to prevent it if possible. He saw that the unhappy monarch's life was a burden to him, and that he sighed for freedom. Ytidrusba, too, grew daily thinner, for since the trial his wife led him a most dreadful life. He did not complain much, but it needed no very great shrewdness to perceive that he suffered terribly. Flin's good heart bled for him. He saw that woman in her rule was merciless. Her hand was iron, and her heart was steel. And though in her proper sphere she might be an angel, it was certain that out of it she was a devil. Mr Flonatin was a peace-loving man. He had ever had a wholesome horror of war, but he felt not that he was justified in taking every possible means to bring about a revolution and raise man to his original and proper station as a lord of creation. But the risks to be run were great. He knew that. He knew also that he had a desperate one-handed game to play, and that if he lost death and dishonour would be certain. Moreover, a well-organised and very extensive conspiracy would be necessary. And it was a question whether long years of oppression and degradation had not entirely crushed the spirit out of the males and turned them into mere machines.
Flin pondered deeply on these points. And one less bold than he might well have been pardoned had he shrunk from such a Herculean task. Much as he longed to return to the upper world and lay his grand discoveries before the Society to which he belonged, he felt that he ought to play the part of a liberator. And yet, as discretion was the better part of valour, he also considered in necessary that he should devote some time to endeavouring to discover if a return to the upper earth was practicable. It was clear that he could never go back the way he had come. But his great brain was fertile in speculation, and he believed that a way back did exist. Some distance from Esnesnon was a mountain, the top of which was always obscured by the electrical clouds. Only two or three persons had ever reached the top of this mountain, and they returned horrified, saying that it opened into a huge cavern that went up and up, and they felt sure that it was the entrance into the infernal regions. Flin had read an account of these several journeys in a book published in Esnesnon, and his curiosity was at once aroused. The travellers had all been women, and he felt sure that what woman could do he could accomplish without much difficulty, notwithstanding the boasted superiority of the Esnesnon women. Strong in this belief, he applied to Parliament for permission to start upon a journey of discovery and to explore the strange cavern. Such a request coming from a male naturally caused a great deal of surprise amongst the members.
Some of them exclaimed that the audacity of the fellow was unpardonable. Others said that he was a conceited little puppy. But others again ventured to hint that it wouldn't be a bad plan to let him go. This, of course, led to a row that raged hotly for many nights. But Flin was artful, and in a second petition which he addressed to the House he took good care to excite that most sensitive part of woman's mental organisation--her curiosity. He tickled the members' fancy with a vivid picture of the wonders that might lie concealed in those upper strata, and that if they would but give him permission to go he was willing to risk his life for their sakes and the sake of science. This argument, of course, told. For the truth of the matter is, every woman in Esnesnon was burning with curiosity, though they were all lacking in courage, and those who had gone up had funked when they had reached the portals of the strange cavern, and had hurried back as fast as they could. Thus the members allowed their curiosity to overcome their discretion, and after a very great deal of talk they gave the necessary sanction for an expedition, and also acceded to another request Flin made, that he should be accompanied to the top of the mountain by males only. But there can be little doubt that in making this concession the members that the expedition would not return, but be lost, and therefore a few old males wouldn't be missed. A sum of money was also voted to defray the expenses.
Flin's joy was great when he found that his application had been successful, and the two schemes now engrossed his attention. With reference to that of the liberties of his fellows, he was determined to take the King and Ytidrusba into his confidence. But his idea about returning to the upper world would be kept to himself.