Third and second part of the new proverbs on the pride of women, or, The vanity of this world displayed

Third and second part of the new proverbs on the pride of women, or, The vanity of this world displayed  (1835) 

THE

THIRD AND SECOND PART OF THE NEW

P R O V E R B S

ON THE

PRIDE OF WOMEN;

OR THE

VANITY OF THIS WORLD DISPLAYED.

TO WHICH IS ADDED

An excellent Receipt to all young Men who
want a Wife, how to wale her by her mouth,
besides you have an account of the Girls that
wear the high heads and the high crowned
caps, piled on their heads like a beescap, or
a quoil of hay, together with all their Rigging
and Furniture.


Third and second part of the new proverbs on the pride of women, or, The vanity of this world displayed - Title.png

STIRLING:
PRINTED BY E. JOHNSTONE, BOOKSELLER.


1835.

NEW PROVERBS

ON THE

PRIDE OF WOMEN, &c.

CHAP. I.

A Woman who has haughty looks, is under infection of the plague, even pride; she is ignorant of herself, and thinks as much as she is her own maker, always despising her fellow-creatures, as if she was not of the seed of Adam,


2. Her eyes bent always upwards, towards the skies, and in my opinion, such women come from the world of the moon, became they look backwards towards their native country.


3. And she who is patron full of pride, is empty of virtue; but O how wise in her own eyes is she; eloquent in speech, expert in law without experience.


4. He that joins with such a woman binds himself to be a galley slave all the days of his life; he must fight against wind and waves, tow her to the grave’s mouth if she sinks not; for she cannot be sold.

5. Woe’s me! for many women are weighed down with folly, lifted up with vanity, deeply wounded, being so in love with themselves, their hearts pine away with hatred and sorrow, because their neighbours are exalted above them.


6. This is a sore evil which cleaveth to the daughters of Eve, handed down from mother to daughter from one generation to another.


7. No sooner have they got judgment to decern between the right hand and the left, but they are carried away to be taught by Madam Vanity, the daughter of Lucifer, who brings them into the College of Contradiction, which stands in the town of Contention.


8. Here they are catechised in all the arts of buskings, sueh as painting of the faee, and plaiting of the hair, and fixing these highcrowned eaps, and big head-dresses, piled on their heads, like a bces-eap, or a quoil of hay, and even kilted their petticoats to the rump.


9. Come all ye dumb brutes, eats dogs, and other ereatures, and behold a foolish people, walking on earth, as if they were not of the earth, decking their bodies with brats, and their bellies with beef, and yet you in rough skins, seem as eomely in your kinds, and more obedient to your Maker and master than they.

10. Come. come, ye lilies of the field and roses of the garden, and behold how queens, princesses, and countesses, are counterfeited by poor clipfarts of vanity, going to church with the ribs of unrighteousness round their rumple; with a displayed banner of painted hypocrisy in their right hand to guard their faces from the sun. O bnt the lilies outshine the lasses for beauty; the ross rejoice and affront them, while they lice howlets hide their faces from the beams of the sun, as if their faccs were fish, and their hides hinds tongues; they abhor the bright beams thereof as a cat does mustard.

11. Many of these women are more dangerous than the mouth of devouring cannons; though they appear at angels in the church, they are as serpents in the sheets, and as Belzebub above the blankets; woes the man that marries such a woman, he had better be wedded to his staff, and go to bed with the bottle in his bosom.


CHAP. II.

He who gets a scolding wife, and a mortifying goodmother, had far better be buried alive, for the one will cry him deaf, and the other will waste his money and his meat, fill his belly with wind, and his heart with sorrow, till with hunger and anger he will die a double death every day.


2. He that marries a gentle wise wife without a weighty purse of gold, or as a good portion, binds himself to his lady’s page, his own servant, captain Clout’s coachman, and her Poverty’s postition, all the days of his life.


3. The care of such a husband is to clothe her antiquity, if her husband should go naked, she laboureth with her tongue, not with her hands, describiug her genealogy of her forefathers, the gentleness of her blood, and of her husband’s descent, who never came to honour and poverty till he came to her.


4. He that weds for money is a miser, and he for beauty a fool; but he that for virtue and the other two is wiser than the weaver who took a wife and would have nothing, because he had nothing of his own.


5. And the reason was, because his wife might say, I have made the rich with my tocher when thou had nought but thy t—l.


6. He that marries a widow for her pelf, had better marry a whore, if she be handsome and wholesome, for the widow will be upbraiding him with the wealth and pleasure she had with her former husband, who was always the best, because he was gone.


7. Whereas the whore will be ashamed to speak of her former plersures, because they were stolen, smuggled and unlawful; but rather she will rejoice, love, and esteem thee, when she enjoys the same without fear, scandal, shame, or reproach.


8. He that marries a widow, let it be with one who had a husband, who gave her blows on every side of her breakfast, who was hanged for knocking out the brains of his mother, and playing the whore with another woman; that she may have to say she had got the best husband to her last, and if you be not so, thou are a poor wretch I’ll warrant you.


CHAP. III.

IT is most natural for every sect to have a de desire towards its fellows, and without the company of each other they have no mutual happiness.


2. Is it not reasonable for thee, O man! who is resolved to join thyself to a wife, that thou join thy house together. first by a mathematical order, tho couples and the cumsoiling thereof, cover it above and plenish it below.

3. Go to the birds and be not blindfolded, who build their nest, lay their eggs before they hatch their young, be not so foolish, as to have a child eefore you have a wife, nor a wife before you have a house to hold her in.


4. Stuff thy house with all manner of furniture necessary for the family, marry thy wife in the pudding month, and thou shalt have warmness all the winter.


5. Beware of running too fast, lest you come to fall, for the fair sex have short heels, and often all backwards when hearing of the voice of wedlock, swooning away, for the joy of a relief long looked for; behold them not when they turn up their ten toes, lest thou fall into the trap from whence there is no returning, without committing great wickedness,


6. But when thou goest to meet a woman waie her by the mouth, as Mungo did his mare, for by her words you may know whether she be a wise woman or a fool.


7. If she be poor, proud, and prideful, turn the back of your hand to her, and your face to another, for she is the worst penny-worth ever came into a poor man's pack-sheet, yea, happy she that goes home with the loom halter in his hand without her.

8. But if you chance to admire the chasms of one who is black and lovely, decent and discreet honost and virtuous, tho’ never so poor; cleaver thou unte her by all means, for such a women will hold thee as her head and husband, then shalt thou reign as a king over thine own house, and all thy family shall be subject unto thee.


9. For if you marry one who thinks herself wiser than thee, she will usurp thy authority, countermand thy orders, and hold the more like her monkey than her man or master.


10. Keep not private company with a women that is a great singer, nor a girl that is gamelike, for the rooling of the eye and the sweetness of the voice, encourage men to commit wickedness.


11. Take not a wife that is tear minded, for such commonly is tail-ready. soon angry, soon leeased, easily persuaded to do any thing; if a temptation assault her, she will be easily overcome, even to hornisy your head, for such are live-loose’s children.


12. Neither do ye encounter with one who hath a big belly, and a bosom full of paps for such are seldom wholesome; nor one who is too tall, for such long people when they fall, are too heavy to rise, but the best wav under the sun is to marry and so continue, look back to dirty maidens and give them the scornful catalogue as follows:

13. O ye haughty maids, mock my proverbs and I’ll mock your pride, sigh for a man when it is too late, and send for him when it is too late, and send for him when he will not come, yonr song in youth is, I'm o'er young to marry yet; until the wrinkles rise on your face, like the back of a ram-horn, and have but one tooth bound in with a rag, then make a chanter of your thumbs, and drones of your long fingers, and play,

Fain would I marry a man just now,
I've lost my time and my lover too.

14. And here I shall be silent for a short time then shall I vex Vanity once more, let one say I am a rattle-skull, another be is jumbled in his judgment, or disturbed in his studies, so I make an end, lest they say, I am become a preacher, and every trade is encroaching upon another; how he that wonders at my folly, I will wonder at his wisdom, then are we even one with another.


The end of the First Part.


PART II.

COME, O men and ministers, and behold mad-men and foolish women, rushing into the bonds of wedlock, as the horse doth unto the battle,

2. No no, no holding back, but John Sloth and Maggy Idle must be married, even because they have no means but meanness, no Teacher but T—l's, no wit but wickedness, no wealth but wanton folly: and poor pride is all their possession, antiquity only excepted.

3. For he is the honourable laird of Sluggardfield’s son, and she is the daughter of Slimpylabour.

4. Behold he goeth with his garters unbound, his bosom bare, and both his bands holding up bis breeches.

5. Up gets Maggy in the morning, against the hoar of nine, whether it be day-light or not, but not without the power of a pearser, for she covers herself with her petticoat, and runs to the dung hill as a soldier to his arms, when alarmed by the drum.

6. This is the character of two, which may be multiplied into millions, two by two, that fall into misery by matrimony, and are deadly wounded by the plague of poverty, for want of a virtuous proceeding in themselves.

7. Their great care is once to be firmly married, and then all their cares are drowned in the sleep of lust, and when they awake, the flame of calf-love is quite out; then they look up, when their eyes are opened, and seeing them shocked with worldly cares, almost naked, and next to nothing.

8. Now they must work or want, their belly wages war against them, their backs and beds must be cloathed; their children also come upon them, thick, thick, if not three-fold.

9. Then says the husband, What have I done? I work heard all the day to myself, and get no wages, my belly is never filled with bread, but Oh my heart is almost like to break with sorrow!

10. O had I been still the servant of another man, then had I got my daily bread and yearly wages, but now I have lost good bread, and great pleasure, and O but her beef be a weighty burden unto me.

11. Let never a man wale his wife at the kirk door, pick up a painted image in the market, as I have done to my deadly danger.

12. Her fine husks are turned into miserable brats, instead of paintings on her face, a slugh of dung, which is the sign of a sapless carcage, occasioned by the scarcity of scones, and scantiness of pottage.

13. O miserable madness, and wicked alteration, occasioned through fond love, and forward kindness.

14. What can be worse in a house, than a horned good-wife, and a humil good man a hanged cat, and burnt dog, having nothing else but dispeace and a poet’s portion, which is perfect poverty.

15. Now is the flames of fleshly love quenched, and their charity towards each other bceome as cold as clay; their former love is smothered to death in the smoke of their hellish wrath, and pride is fallen into the bottomless pit, the place from whence it came.

ADVERTISEMENT, Oyez, Oyez, Oyez.

BE it known to all poor. proud. and prideful people, that they may mourn till the sorrow mend them; for Deaeon Pride, the Devil dominie, who has fallen from the top of the high Tower of Vanity, into the deep ditch of disgrace, his clothing being of soft butter, has licked up all the mots of misery and disdain on the one side, and disgrace on the other: shame and reproach before him, and behind him a troop of boys hissing at his buttocks because they were bare.

And it is hoped by me and many others, that he shall never have eonfidence to set up his daft like face among honest well thinking people anymore in this country; for we of the Tinclariat. Scet will oppose his doctrine, and send the domine to be his director.


FINIS.


This work was published before January 1, 1926, and is in the public domain worldwide because the author died at least 100 years ago.