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To all young Men that love to Wooe,
To Kiss and Dance, and Tumble too;
Draw near and Counsel take of me,
Your faithful Pilot I will be:
Kiss who you please, Joan, Kate, or Mary,
But still this Counsel with you carry.

Never Marry.

Court not a Country Lady, she
Knows not how to value thee;
She hath no am'rous Passion, but
What Tray, or Quando has for Slut:
To Lick, to Whine, to Frisk, or Cover,
She'll suffer thee, or any other.

Thus to Love her.

Her Daughter she's now come to Town,
In a rich Linsey Woolsey Gown;
About her Neck a valued Prize,
A Necklace made of Whitings Eyes:
With List for Garters 'bove her Knee,
And Breath that smells of Firmity,

's not for thee.

Of Widows Witchcrafts have a care,
For if they catch you in their Snare;
You must as daily Labourers do,
Be still a shoving with your Plow:
If any rest you do require,
They then deceive you of your Hire,

And retire.

The Maiden Ladies of the Town,
Are scarcely worth your throwing down;
For when you have possession got,
Of Venus Mark, or Hony-pot:
There's such a stir with, marry me,
That one would half forswear to see

Any she.

If that thy Fancy do desire,
A glorious out-side, rich Attire;
Come to the Court, and there you'll find,
Enough of such to Please your Mind :
But if you get too near their Lap,
You're sure to meet with the Mishap,

Call'd a Clap.

With greasy painted Faces drest.
With butter'd Hair, and fucus'd Breast;
Tongues with Dissimulation tipt,
Lips which a Million have them sipp'd:
There's nothing got by such as these,
But Achs in Shoulders, Pains in Knees

For your Fees.

In fine, if thou delight'st to be,
Concern'd in Womans Company:
Make it the Studies of thy Life,
To find a Rich, young, handsome Wife:
That can with much discretion be
Dear to her Husband, kind to thee.


In such a Mistress, there's the Bliss,
Ten Thousand Joys wrapt in a Kiss;
And in th' Embraces of her Wast,
A Million more of Pleasures taste:
Who e'er would Marry that could be
Blest with such Opportunity,

Never me.

This work was published before January 1, 1924, and is in the public domain worldwide because the author died at least 100 years ago.