When a Man Enters the Service of Hashem...
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When a man enters the service of Hashem, usually he is shown rejection. It seems to him they're rejecting him from Above and are not at all letting him enter the service of Hashem. But in truth all the rejection is just entirely a being brought near. So a very, very great encouragement is needed to not be downcast, God forbid, when he sees many, many days and years pass as he exerts great efforts for serving Hashem and still he is so far and still has not at all entered the gates of holiness, for he sees himself as still being full of crudeness, materialism, and big untoward thoughts and confusions. And whatever he wants to do in service of Hashem, whatever thing in holiness, they do not let him, and it seems to him as if Hashem Yithbarakh is not watching him at all, and does not want his devotion at all, on account that he sees he cries out every moment and begs and falls before His Blessedness to help him in his service, and nevertheless he is still very, very far. So it seems to him as if Hashem Yithbarakh is not watching him at all and does not turn to him at all, for His Blessedness doesn't want him at all. Surely, concerning all this and matters like it one needs great encouragement; to fortify himself very, very much and pay no attention whatsoever to all this, for in truth all distancing is all only a being brought near as mentioned. And all the above happened to all the tzadikim, as we have heard from their mouths explicitly, that it appeared to them that Hashem Yithbarakh is not looking or turning to them at all, on account that they saw it's such a long time they are asking, toiling, doing, and serving the devotion of Hashem Yithbarakh and still they are very, very far. And had they not fortified themselves a great deal to pay no attention to all this, they would have remained in their first place and would not have been privileged to that they attained.
And so the rule, my beloved brother, is to be very strong and courageous. Get a grip on yourself with all [your] power to remain steady in your devotions. Do not be concerned about or pay any attention whatsoever to all the aforementioned, or the such. And if you are very, very far from His Blessedness and it seems to you that you are literally always sinning against His Blessedness — even with all this, on the contrary, know that that a such a person who is so corporeal, each and every movement that he detaches himself just a bit from his physicality and and turns to H"Y, is extremely great and precious. Even the smallest point wherewith he detaches from his physicality toward His Blessedness, he runs with this many, many thousands of miles in the upper worlds, as you will understand well from the story of the tzaddik who was overcome with depression, as we have related [in the Parables at the end of the book Sipurei Ma`asiyoth]. So for this he should be extremely happy and strengthen himself in joy constantly, for sadness harms a great, great deal. And know: As soon as a person wants to enter in the service of Hashem, then immediately it is a great transgression when he is sad, God forbid, for sadness is the Sitra Achra/Other Side (Zohar Noach I:71a), and H"Y despises it.
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So one must be quite persistent in the service of Hashem, to not surrender his place, namely any small bit of his devotions he has started, no matter will happen. And remember this well, for you will need it a great deal when you begin a little in the service of Hashem, for one needs very, very great determination, to be strong and courageous, to hold on and maintain his position even if they cause him to fall time and again, God forbid. For there are times when they cause a person to fall from the service of God, as is known. Nevertheless, it is incumbent upon him to do his, to do whatever he can in the service of God, and not allow himself to fall entirely, God forbid. For, all these falls, descents, confusions and so forth, one must surely experience them before entering the gates of holiness. And also the true tzaddikim underwent all this. And know, there is someone who is already at the entrance of holiness but he retreats on account of those confusions, or then when he is close to the entrance the Sitra Achra and the Accuser overwhelm him very exceedingly, the Merciful One save us, in a very, very great and awesome attack, the Merciful One save us. And they do not let him go in the entrance, and on account of this he retreats, God forbid. For this is the way of the Accuser and the Sitra Achra when seeing the man is close, really close to the gates of holiness, and is about to enter, then he mounts a very, very powerful assault on him, God forbid. And we heard from a true tzadik saying: If someone had told [him], anyone at all, when first delving in the service of Hashem, "Brother, strengthen and encourage yourself," I would have run quite hurriedly in His Blessed service. For to him as well happened all this, but he heard no encouragement from any man. Therefore whoever wants to enter in the service of Hashem should remember this thoroughly. So strengthen yourself greatly, and do what you are able in service of Hashem, and with [the passing of] many days and years you will enter securely with His Blessed help into the gates of holiness, for Hashem Yithbarakh is full of compassion and desires your devotion a great deal. And know, that any motions or transition that you separate and move any moment any bit from corporeality towards His blessed service, they are all collected, joined and bound, and they come to your aid at time of need, namely when there is God forbid some pressure or affliction, God forbid. And know, a person needs to make his passage on a very, very narrow bridge, and the rule and the essence is to not be afraid at all. (וְדַע, שֶׁהָאָדָם צָרִיך לַעֲבר עַל גֶּשֶׁר צַר מְאֹד מְאֹד וְהַכְּלָל וְהָעִקָּר שֶׁלּא יִתְפַּחֵד כְּלָל)
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And know, there is a tree, on which grow leaves that each take one hundred years to mature. And it is found in the gardens of nobility, and is called in their language "One Hundred Year." And presumably, when it has grown a hundred years, for sure it endures whatever it endures, and then at the end of a hundred years it shoots out a great sound like a cannon, which is called "urmatia". Understand the analogy well. And it is proper to go with what is taught in the lesson "Azamra Lelohai Be`odi" [LM #248], namely to ask and seek to find in himself some merit and some good point. And with this little good he finds in himself, he makes happy and strengthens himself and does not give up his place. Even if he has fallen to whatever he has fallen, the Merciful One save us, nevertheless he strengthens himself in the bit of the bit good he finds in himself yet. Until he merits to return thereby to Hashem Yithbarakh, and all his malice become merits (see Yoma 86b). And what did the Ba`al Shem Tov obm do on the sea when the Accuser enticed him and so forth? So from this discern to what extent you need encouragement to not despair yourself, God forbid, no matter what [bad] happens. So the main thing is to be constantly happy, and make yourself happy with whatever possible, even by nonsense [milei d'shtuta], making oneself as a shoteh/fool/drunkard, and doing nonsense things and ridiculousness, or skipping and dancing in order to come to joy, which is very great.