ACT THREE
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Scene One
The parlor in the peasant's cottage.
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Enter Gottlieb and Hinze.
Gottlieb
Dear Hinze, it's true you are doing a lot for me, but I still can't see how it is supposed to help me.
Hinze
Upon my word, I shall make you happy. I will spare no effort to achieve this aim, no matter what pains I must take, no matter what sacrifices I must make.
Gottlieb
My happiness must come soon, very soon, otherwise it will be too late — it's already half-past-seven and this comedy ends at eight.
Hinze
What the hell do you mean?
Gottlieb
Oh, I was just thinking about something else — I meant to say: Otherwise we're both going to die of thirst. But look at the beautiful sunrise. — The bloody prompter keeps mumbling; and then if you try to extemporize once in a while, it's sure to fall flat.
Hinze
quietly
Pull yourself together, man, or this piece will break into a thousand pieces.
Schlosser
What did he say about comedy and half-past-seven?
Fischer
I don't know; I think we ought to pay closer attention, it should be over soon.
Schlosser
Right, concentrate! Thank God we'll be released at eight; if we pay attention, we'll be out of here by eight; but nine? No, no one could hold out till nine; and I'll be a basket case by ten.
Fischer
My dear chap, you are beginning to rave just like the characters in the play.
Schlosser
I know. Thanks to this play I won't be back to my old self for a long time.
Gottlieb
So my fortune will be decided this very day?
Hinze
Yes, dear Gottlieb, even before the sun sets. See, I love you so much that I would walk through fire for you — and you doubt my sincerity?
Wiesener
Did you hear that? — He's going to walk through fire. — Beautiful! Here we will no doubt have the scene from The Magic Flute with the fire and the water!
Wiesener's Neighbor
But cats never go into the water.
Wiesener
Why, so much the greater is the cat's love for his master. Don't you see? That's the very point the author is trying to get across.
Hinze
Tell me, what would you most like to be in the world?
Gottlieb
It's hard to say.
Hinze
Perhaps you'd like to be a prince, or a king?
Gottlieb
More than anything.
Hinze
And do you feel the strength within you to make an entire nation happy?
Gottlieb
Why not? Provided I'm happy myself to begin with.
Hinze
Well, then, rest assured you shall ascend the throne. I take my oath upon it.
Exit Hinze.
Gottlieb
Surely that would take a miracle! — But then, of course, so many unexpected things happen in the world.
Exit Gottlieb.
Bötticher
Note the untiring refinement with which the cat always holds his cane; so delicately, so courteously.
Fischer
You've been a nuisance to us long enough now with your refinements; you are even more boring than the play.
Müller
Yes, it's very annoying to have to listen to your analyses and eulogies all the time.
Bötticher
But my enthusiasm for art demands expression.
Schlosser
Oh, put a sock in it! Here, Leutner, grab a hold of him; and you take his head, Müller; I have a machine here that will keep his mouth shut and prevent him from speaking.
Bötticher
But then you will no longer—
Schlosser
That's it. Now put the gag over his mouth. And you engage the spring, Fischer. That should do the trick.
They gag him.
Bötticher
But this is outrageous, I'm a connoiss—
Schlosser
A connoisseur of art he's trying to say. There, things will be a little quieter over here now. Now we can watch the rest of the play in peace and quiet.