A physician, a friend of Serjeant Murphy, once came to consult him about calling out some one who had insulted him.
"Take my advice," said Murphy, "and instead of calling him out, get him to call you in, and have your revenge that way; it will be much more secure and certain."
A witness who had given his evidence in such a way as satisfied everybody in court that he was committing perjury, being cautioned by the judge, said at last,—
"My lord, you may believe me or not, but I have not stated a word that is false, for I have been wedded to truth from my infancy."
"Yes, sir," said Sir William Maule; "but the question is how long you have been a widower!"
Some years ago Hon. Henry W. Paine defended a man in a capital case which was tried in the State of Maine. The defence was insanity, which was clearly proved to the satisfaction of the court and of every one else except the jury, who, to the astonishment of all, brought in a verdict of "guilty."
After receiving the verdict, the presiding judge asked Mr. Paine if he had any motion to make.
"Not at present, your Honor," he replied; "my client has had his constitutional rights: he has been tried by a jury of his peers."
The verdict was afterward set aside.
Another good story is told of the same distinguished lawyer. In the Law Library in Boston a number of wooden blocks, cut in the form of a book, are used to keep volumes in position when the shelves are only partially filled. Being in the library one day, a pile of these blocks caught Mr. Paine's eye, and turning to a brother member of the bar he said: "Ah, now I see where the Supreme Court gets its law!"
A lady, in speaking of a gathering of lawyers to dedicate a new court house, said she supposed they had gone "to view the place where they would shortly lie."
A fugitive from justice boasted that he was so well liked by all who knew him that he never left any place without a reward being offered for his return.
We commend to conveyancers the following specimen of legal acumen copied from the records in the office of the Auditor of Clarke County, Washington Territory. In a conveyance of land is embodied a bill of sale of some live-stock, and the description of the two kinds of property is rather droll. The following is copied verbatim from the records:—
"Also that certain lot of land on the Columbia bottom, bounded by land owned by Alexander and others. Also a white bull and twelve hogs west of the meridian line."
A celebrated judge, in reprimanding a criminal, among other hard names called him a scoundrel.
The prisoner replied, "Sir, I am not so great a scoundrel as your Honor—takes me to be."
"Prisoner," responded the judge, "you should put your words closer together when you address the Court."
A gentleman who had for several years been in the enviable situation of a party to a suit in Chancery, finally asked his solicitor how long he would have to wait for the decision of the Chancellor.
"Wait!" exclaimed the solicitor, sarcastically; "till the day of judgment, to be sure!"
A young law student, worn out by over-work, being advised by his physician to procure some good book on gymnastics and follow the rules therein laid down, went out and purchased a copy of "Beecher's Morning Exercises."
"Suppose," said the examiner, "a man sold a horse warranted sound and free from vice, and directly after it was taken home it showed itself both vicious and unsound, what form of action would you bring against the seller?"
"I would sue him," answered a student, "for breach of promise."
At a term of the Greene County court, held at Calskill in the year 1854, when cholera was prevalent, the presiding judge received the following from one of an empanelled jury:—
Onerable Judge By.
Sir,—Oure lot is caste in A Dismel plase seronded By danger ande Colery. we want our Super.
A Juorman.
