Account of the particular soliloquies and covenant engagements, of Mrs. Janet Hamilton (1801)/First covenant
Covenant Engagements, &c.
OF
Mrs. HAMILTON.
The first dated at
Blackness Castle, December, 1687.
O Lord, I desire to bless thy name for thy former loving kindnesses unto me in the time of my strait, in helping and stand ing by me when overcharged with affliction, and deserted of friends. What was I and my father's house? A poor insufficient creature, taken up with nothing but vanities of all sorts. O what moved a holy God ever to condescend to look upon me, and pass by so many much more worthy than poor undeserving me? O praises be unto thee, O Most High! O that my tongue were employed thro' time in magnifying the holy name of so merciful a God! May not I say that his mereies are over all his other works to me! May not I sit and admire his free love, first in inclining my heart to love him and his people, and in casting my lot amongst the godly, and in bestowing a godly and kind husband upon me when left destitute of father or mother and that he did so care for me, as not to suffer me to enjoy the desires of my heart, but was at pains to hedge in my way with thorns; and his in finite love suffered me not to fit at my ease, enjoying my pleasure in the day of Zion's calamity.
And preparing the way by smaller trials for greater, thou didst, in thine infinite love and wisdom, not at first cast me into the hot test flames of the furnace, left I should not have been able to stand, but in fright faint ed and turned back: but, O praise, praise be to him that inhabits eternity! that con descended so far to me a worm, as sweetly to train me up, alluring me and speaking comfortably to me at my first entry into the wilderness. Thou caused thy word to be to my soul as the honey and the honey-comb. Thou madst me sit under thy shadow with great delight, and thy fruit was sweet to my taste. So that many a time, that, which to on-lookers was sad, was sweet to me The Lord did so support and feast me in his banqueting house, that I was made to rejoice in the midst of my tribulations.
Likewise, thou didst not suffer me to go on with those that were indifferent in Christ's matters, but with thy rod thou didst raise such a zeal and love on my spirit, and so filled my mouth with arguments, that I could not see any thing like defection from, or wrong done to, any of thy truths, without resenting, testifying, and contending against it. Thou so far changed my heart, which was proud and haughty, much disdaining the converse of the poor,—that thou helped me to be denied to great folk, and to the reproach I suffered on that head, making the company of the poor that were godly in the land dear unto me; and I hope they shall be so, while they keep in God's way, he having passed by the great ones, and honoured the poor, making them boldly to testify for him; and those whom he honours, I desire (thro' grace) to honour. Praise be to thee, whose care of me was such that it was ministers who were valiant for Christ that he sent in my way; such as did not flattter me in my sin, but faithfully and freely did hold out in the gospel what was sin and what was duty, and sealed the same with their blood. How didst thou encourage me with many sweet answers of prayers, to confirm me in thy love. Thou didst help me in the days of thy love to me, to make a full resignation of all that was mine unto thee. When I was put out of all, striped bare and destitute, not knowing of shelter to me and poor my babes, how calmly and quietly didst thou help me to go under it! so that I was made to fear that it was stupidity, and not supporting grace. And such was thy love, that even in that thou would not let me go without a reproof; for there was a friend suffered to wrong me in a business, and the Lord withdrew, and then I was as a bullock unaccustomed to the yoke; I could not get it borne, until I mourned for my folly in thinking that nature could do any thing in me without assisting grace: then he helped me to make a full resignation anew of all that was mine, and to look beyond all earthly portions unto that noble inheritance which thou hast purchased with thine own blood, and gave me a full contentedness in all my sufferings, both from friends and foes,
And when thou didst (for the trial of my faith and patience) throw me in very hot flames of affliction, having all discouragements from the world that a poor thing could be trysted with; and that which was sorest to me, not having that measure of sense of thy presence as sometimes before: but O! that condescendence! O that fatherly love, that did not suffer me to sink in this storm which was lightly looked on by the most part; few to sympathize with me, but many thinking it their duty to add to my affliction. O praises! praises be to thee, who at that time helped me to sit silent, bearing thy indignation patiently, because I sinned against thee; yet thy mercies did not fail towards me, but thou didst in this extremity support me, and did, by refraining grace, bind me in, not giving me liberty to seek sinful deliverances. O Lord, continue in thy love in keeping me in thy way, that I may have reason to set up my Ebenezer, and to say, Hitherto the Lord hath helped me. O Thou that hast begun this good work, perfect it, that I may praise thy holy name thro' time and all eternity. And now, O Lord, out of the sense of all these thy loving kindnesses towards thy poor handmaid, I desire in thy strength to renew former engagements, and solemnly anew to enter into covenant with thee. O Lord, help me to go sincerely about it, and let thy presence go along with the duty.
O Lord, I here desire to enter solemnly into covenant with thee, taking thee for my Lord and Master, accepting thee on thy own terms, taking thee for my King, Priest, and Prophet; and in my station, thro' thy grace, to stand by truth, and cheerfully to take on thy yoke and follow thee. Lord, thou knowest my weakness: I desire to believe that thou wilt be a present help, in the day of need, to me, according to thy promise; and I, in the faith of this, do go on:-I here give my hearty consent to thy coming and taking possession of my soul, and to thy casting out of all there that stands in opposition to thee. Come, Lord Jesus, subdue all my corruptions, and bring them under thy feet, that I may be thro' thee a conqueror over them. I desire here to take thee for my all, to be ruled and governed by thee, acquiescing to whatsoever shall be thy way of dealing with me. Give me thyself, and this shall be all my desire: I desire to enter my protestation at the throne of grace, against all principalities and powers in me that stand out against thee, and shall endeavour, in thy strength, to war against them, for they reign as tyrants not having consent. Whatever I have been, I dare here accept of the offer of peace thro' Christ, and do make a sure covenant with thee this day, never to be reversed, hoping thou wilt make all forthcoming unto me, both on thy part, and mine.—I desire here to own all the contraverted truths that are founded on thy holy word; which word I desire to be my rule, and to confess thee before when, that thou mayest confess me before the Father. Lord, give me in that hour, if I shall be brought before great ones for thy names sake, I desire to adhere to all the articles of the Covenants, National and Solemn League, to which I am engaged; only disown the king's part of it, he having unkinged himself by the breach of Covenants, and by making our land a land of graven images, that was so solemnly given up to God: I desire in weakness to adhere to it, altho' burnt by the hand of the hangman, and now buried by those that better things were expected of. O Lord, I desire to close all, by giving myself up to thee, and all mine: Accept, Lord Jesus Christ, and help to perform, and own me as thy covenanted child, protesting humbly, that failing on my part (against which I resolve as thou knowest) shall not make void this covenant. I have accepted of thy offer upon thy own terms, and will henceforth wait for what is good, that when thou comest I may rejoice in thee, crying, This is my God, I have waited for him. As witness my hand, at Blackness Castle,
December,Sic subscribitur,
1687.