Book of Etiquette/Volume 1/Part 2/Chapter 2
CHAPTER II
LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION
THE LETTER OF INTRODUCTION
Letters of introduction should be drawn only on relatives, or on very close friends. It is not considered entirely ethical to introduce by a letter an individual of whom the writer knows very little, or toward whom the writer is not especially friendly. It is also scarcely good form to ask for a letter of introduction; the truly cultured person will depend upon the kind impulses of a friend or relative to recognize the need for such presentation.
Care should be exerted in the issuing of these letters. Some people, because they have not sufficient will-power to refuse a direct request, will issue such a letter to a person whom they hardly know, and for whose character they cannot vouch. Thus they are forced to send a private letter to the person to whom the letter of introduction is addressed, explaining that the stranger is really not very well known to them, and that perhaps the hostess had better find out more about him, or her. This always causes an embarrassing and uncomfortable situation; it is always better to refuse frankly, unless one knows the man or woman and is willing to endorse him heartily and sincerely.
A letter of introduction should be brief, concise and free from matters of personal or private interest. If the bearer of the letter is in mourning, or has suffered some recent grief or loss, or if he is the victim of unhappy circumstances or peculiar prejudices, a private letter should be sent to the person to whom the letter is addressed, explaining the situation. This does not hold true when the stranger has some special mission to perform; in this case, the explanation is written directly in the original letter of introduction.
A note of introduction rarely covers more than a page or a page and a half of medium-size note paper, and it should be confined strictly to the presentation of the person in whose behalf it is written. Nothing irrelevant, such as inquiry regarding the health of certain people of mutual acquaintance, or of domestic interest, should be included. The letter is placed in an unsealed envelope.
PRESENTING THE LETTER
Usually letters of introduction are not presented in person, but sent with the card of the man or woman to be introduced. This relieves the ceremony of that awkwardness which usually follows when someone presents a letter of introduction and waits while it is being read. If one does not wish to send it through the mails, the letter may be left with one's card at the door of the one to whom it is addressed.
When the letter of introduction is from a gentleman to a lady, or rather when the letter introduces a gentleman to a lady, he invariably calls in the afternoon and sends up the letter with his card. If the lady is not at home, he may slip the card into the same envelope as the letter, and leave it with the servant to be delivered. A gentleman also calls to present a letter of introduction to a member of his own sex.
A woman who wishes to present a letter of introduction to another woman, calls personally and leaves the letter with her own card, or slips her card into the envelope, seals it, and sends it through the mails. Either method of presentation is correct. However, when the letter is addressed to a gentleman, she does not call, unless it is some very special and unusual occasion, but trusts the letter to the mails for safe delivery.
ACKNOWLEDGING A LETTER OF INTRODUCTION
A letter of introduction requires immediate recognition in some form. Either a call or an invitation should be made within three or four days. If it is impossible to honor a letter of introduction by the usual form of visiting or entertaining then it is absolutely essential that a prompt and adequate explanation should be written to the author and bearer of the letter.
Ordinarily, when the bearer of a letter of introduction is a woman, a call is made within three days. This call is followed by the offer of some hospitality, usually a luncheon or tea. A gentleman calls upon a lady or upon another gentleman as soon as he receives a letter of introduction. But a lady, instead of making a call, sends an invitation to the gentleman who is introduced to her by means of a letter.
Any delay in acknowledging a letter of introduction is uncivil, both to the person who wrote the letter and the one being introduced. If one is invalided, a short note should be written explaining why a call cannot be made, and arranging for a meeting as early as circumstances permit. But to wait a week or two before acknowledging a letter of introduction, and then writing to explain, is to show lack of good breeding and ignorance of the laws of good conduct.
It is a mark of courtesy to write to the person who brought about the acquaintance with a new friend by means of a letter of introduction, thanking him or her for the note that inspired the friendship.
MODEL LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION
A letter of introduction should be simple and to the point. It should also be friendly, cordial and explanatory. It is placed in a single envelope, unsealed, with the full name and address of the person to whom the bearer is introduced. Here are some letters that are offered merely as suggestions. Of course they may be changed and added to, to meet certain conditions:
New Haven, Conn.,March 4, 19—My dear Mrs. Brown:
This will introduce to you Miss Rose Johnson of Camden, New Jersey, who intends staying in your charming city during December and January.
I have known Miss Johnson for three years, and feel sure that you will find pleasure in her company.
With warmest personal regards, I am
Sincerely yours,Margaret F. Dowe.
New York, N. Y.,April 4, 19—Dear Travers:
The bearer of this note, Mr. Robert Duncan, of Chicago, plans to be in your town for two months. Besides being a personal friend of mine, he is the advertising manager of the Goodfield Company in Los Angeles, and knowing as I do how interested you are in advertising, I feel that you would like to know him.
You will find him good company everywhere, I think, for he not only talks entertainingly but he plays tennis and golf and bridge and plays them well. I hope that you will be able to help him enjoy his stay in Madison.
With kindest regards to Mrs. Travers, I am
Cordially yours,Bob Westely.
Baltimore, Md.,Oct. 19, 19—My dear Mrs. Rowell:
It gives me great pleasure to present to you Mr. Raymond Gordon, the bearer of this note, with whom I have been associated in business and socially for many years. Business takes him to Baltimore, where he is an entire stranger. I will personally appreciate any kindness you may show him, during his stay there.
Yours most sincerely,Robert S. Balfour.
THE CARD OF INTRODUCTION
Very often a card of introduction, instead of a letter, is issued. The letter is preferred in the case of special friends, as it conveys a certain courtesy that the strictly formal card lacks. Yet the card is no less powerful an agent in soliciting and securing civilities for a man or woman in a strange town. Its place is in the business rather than the social world, where often it is the means of securing an interview which it would be almost impossible to get without some kind of endorsement.
The card of introduction consists merely of a visiting card with the name of the person to be introduced written above that of the sender. A card so prepared should be placed in a card envelope, left unsealed, and addressed to the person to whom the introduction is to be made. The words which appear at the top of the card are written also at the extreme bottom of the envelope, either below the address or in the left-hand comer.
Here is a typical visiting card, inscribed correctly with the name and address of the medium of introduction, and bearing the correct introduction above the name:
Introducing Miss Rose M. Roberts
- Mr. Charles Hanson Morton
BUSINESS INTRODUCTIONS
The man who values his good name among his business associates will not give letters of introduction indiscriminately. There are no special rules governing such letters in the business world beyond those of the social world. It is very annoying to a busy man to have to interrupt his work to make himself agreeable to all sorts and conditions of men who may come bearing missives which give them entrance. People should remember this in giving letters of introduction and should absolutely refuse unless they feel sure that something of mutual benefit may arise from the meeting. To give a letter of introduction for the same reason that one sometimes buys goods of a persistent agent—to get rid of him—is a very poor way out of the difficulty.
It is permissible to ask for a letter of introduction to a business man if the person from whom it is requested is a good friend and the person who asks for it has an excellent reason for doing so. Of course it is much better when the letter comes as a free-will offering, for there is no possibility of having to meet with a refusal. A refusal to grant a letter should not anger the person who asked for it, and the person who feels compelled to deny the request should give a courteous reason—there is usually such a reason—for doing so.