Book of Etiquette/Volume 1/Part 2/Chapter 3
CHAPTER III
CALLS AND CALLING CUSTOMS
THE BEGINNING OF SOCIAL CALLS
The origin of the "social" call dates from the Stone Age, when the head of a family used to leave a roughly carved block of stone at the door of another, as an expression of good-will and friendship. The most marked development in calls and visiting is traced among the Orientals, and especially the Chinese. In China, even to-day, the social call is practically a sacred ceremony, and it is only the very lowest coolie who does not pay regular calls upon his friends and neighbors.
It is contrary to the American ideal to develop or encourage highly complicated social ceremonies, and even the most formal call in this country to-day is simply a meeting of good friends. With the rush of modern life and the multitudinous opportunities which it offers for diversion and instruction there is a tendency to neglect one's social calls. It is a great pity, for nothing is quite so precious as one's friends, and was it not Emerson who said, "Go often to the house of thy friend for weeds choke the unused path"?
WHEN CALLS ARE MADE
AN ALTAR FOR A HOME WEDDING
A similar plan of decoration may be used effectively in a much less pretentious home
Women rarely call in the evening, unless it is a friendly informal visit. Men may make formal evening visits both in the city and country. In the city they may call as early as eight o'clock or as late as half-past nine. It is not in good taste to call very late in the evening, especially in the country where the retiring hour is early. It is perfectly correct for a woman who is at business during the day to pay her calls during the early part of the evening.
Morning calls in the country may be made between half-past ten and one o'clock. Both men and women should observe these hours. It is only in the centers of formal and fashionable society, where luncheon is usually served at one o'clock that morning calls are reserved for occasions of business.
When a call is paid for the purpose of condolence, or of inquiring after a sick friend, no special hour need be observed, as the caller rarely advances beyond the threshold of the front door. Before calling on a friend in a hospital one should ascertain the hours during which visitors are allowed.
THE PROPER LENGTH OF A CALL
Never prolong a call until it becomes a relief to depart—both for you and your hostess. This is not irrelevant, nor is it too severe. There are many people who do not know when to depart, and simply because they are afraid of leaving too early and offending the hostess, they prolong the visit unduly and depend upon gossip and forced conversation to pass the time. It is not good taste to make a call that lasts ten minutes; but it is certainly no better to make one that lasts three hours.
When a first and formal call is paid, fifteen or twenty minutes is the usual time for exchanging civilities, and for making a graceful exit. The ordinary formal call may be extended from a quarter to three-quarters of an hour. A friendly call may be continued an hour, and sometimes an hour and a half.
Calls of inquiry, condolence and information should never be prolonged longer than is required to obtain the information required. Calls of condolence should be made especially short, as it is a mark of inconsideration to force oneself on a hostess who is suffering a recent bereavement.
THE DAY AT HOME
Calls should always be paid on the hostess' day at home, if possible. It is always more complimentary and considerate to observe a day at home than to call on an afternoon when the hostess does not expect you.
In large cities and fashionable circles, it is customary for every hostess to issue at-home cards, giving the day and hour, or just the day, when she will be at home to visitors. These are issued to all her friends and acquaintances and they are expected to make their social calls, calls of congratulation, calls of appreciation—all calls except those that have to do with business—on that afternoon.
Sunday calls are now considered informal. In small towns and country neighborhoods they may be made after church or in the evening, but in large cities formal visits are rarely made on Sunday. Here again men (and business women) enjoy a special privilege; they may make their formal calls any afternon or evening of the week, Sunday not excepted. Perhaps this is only fair, as the American man, and many of the American women, have their mornings and afternoons completely absorbed by the exactions of their business.
DRESS FOR CALLS
In making business calls a woman should wear street dress of the most simple and conservative type. For her social calls also she should wear street attire, but it need not be so severe as for business purposes. Especially if she is to go by public conveyance she should be careful not to make herself conspicuous by her dress. The hostess is always more or less informally dressed unless her at home takes on the proportions of a reception, in which case she wears an elaborate reception gown.
Men seldom pay calls, and when they do, for the most part, they wear ordinary business suits unless the occasion is one of importance. Formal evening calls require formal evening dress.
PAYING THE FIRST CALL
In the country, all newcomers wait until they are called upon before calling or leaving cards. Formerly, calls were paid only upon those newcomers who were in one's immediate neighborhood, but now motoring has greatly increased the area of visiting. Thus, when a newcomer builds or rents a home within easy motoring distance, one must feel obligated to call and leave cards.
Brides also wait to receive first calls. Neighbors and friends are expected to call and leave cards immediately upon the return from the honeymoon. It is the particular duty of all wedding guests to call promptly as soon as the bride announces her return.
When a lady comes to visit a friend in another town, it is the duty of all friends of the hostess to make the first call. It is also the rule for women who have been entertained in a friend's house in the country to be the first to call on that friend immediately upon her return to town. Where there is no indebtedness of this kind and when two women arrive home from their respective summer vacations at about the same time, it is customary for the younger to make the first call upon the older.
The matter of paying the first call is often a very delicate one. Frequently sensitive people are offended by some unconscious slight on the part of a friend. The following rules will help those who are in doubt, and who are anxious to follow the correct usage, and thus avoid blunders that may result in broken friendships.
An unmarried woman always pays the first call of the season upon a matron. The elder of two women is entitled to the first visit. This same rule holds true among men, when the question of the formal call arises. In large cities, when the recognized winter period for exchanging formal calls opens, very little attention is paid to the matter of the first calls of the season. It is usually dependent upon convenience and inclination of individuals, and upon the settling of an at-home day. Sometimes women who are exceptionally punctilious make their first calls with reference to courtesies extended or received in the foregoing season. Thus, they refer to their calling lists of the preceding winter, in deciding on whom to make the first calls. However, this is entirely in the hands of the individual.
CALLS OF OBLIGATION
There are certain obligatory calls that must be made, if one wishes to be in accord with the laws of etiquette. These are sometimes referred to as "duty calls." For instance, it is essential for all wedding guests, bridesmaids, ushers, and for the best man, maid of honor and matron of honor to call on the bride's mother within three weeks after her daughter's wedding. They must also call upon the bride as soon as she returns from her honeymoon. If the wedding was held at the home of a sister or other relative, the call is made to the lady who acted in the capacity of hostess. The guests at a home wedding, wedding reception or breakfast, are also obligated to call on the bride's mother, and on the bride herself, in due course.
It is distinctly important for all guests, both men and women, at a formal dinner to call upon the hostess within two or, at the most, three weeks after the dinner. This holds true even if the invitation was not accepted. The dinner call should be paid promptly; if a man or woman who has not accepted an invitation to dinner does not call within three weeks, the hostess has every reason to believe that he, or she, does not desire her friendship and hospitality. This same holds true of balls, suppers, parties and receptions. Not to accept an invitation, and not to call, is a gross incivility and reflects upon the good manners of the person who has neglected to make the obligatory call.
Duty calls are necessary after formal luncheons or breakfasts, and after musicales, theater parties, opera parties, garden parties, and after attending a christening. Such a call should be made within the two weeks following the event.
Other obligatory calls are made both before and after a funeral. The first call is merely a matter of card-leaving, unless one is an intimate friend of the bereaved family. After the funeral a call of condolence should be made.
A hostess who follows the laws of good society to the letter, invariably calls on a new acquaintance before offering her any hospitality, or before issuing any invitations to her. Other calls that are a matter of obligation are those of inquiry regarding a friend's health, of congratulation to parents on the birth of a child, and of congratulation to the young lady who has announced her engagement. All these calls are social necessities, and the man or woman who is well-bred never neglects them.
ABOUT RETURNING CALLS
It is of the utmost importance that calls be promptly returned. But perhaps the most exacting of all is the first call. To neglect to return it within two weeks, or three at the most, or to explain by letter why it cannot be returned, is to indicate tacitly that the caller's friendship is not desired. This, of course, is an extremely rude and inconsiderate method to choose, if one really does not desire to cultivate a certain friendship, for there are many gracious and less unkind means to employ.
A bride, or a visitor in a neighborhood, or a newcomer to a town, should not let more than ten days, or at the most two weeks, elapse before returning the civilities of their new neighbors. The first call of a new acquaintance should be just as promptly returned. After the first call is returned, it depends upon the individuals concerned whether a friendship shall be developed, or whether a "calling acquaintance" shall be kept up. (The expression "calling acquaintance" is used to indicate the custom of ladies calling upon each other once or twice during the year as a social duty, rather than as a means of developing friendship.)
When calls are exchanged only once in twelve months it is an indication that only a purely formal acquaintance exists between two people. But when two women are friends, they may exchange calls at intervals of three weeks or a month, and sometimes very dear friends exchange calls every week. However, in this latter case the calls are more or less informal.
Calls of condolence, sympathy, inquiry and congratulation are usually answered by sending cards or brief notes to the caller. Later, on issuing from mourning, or on recovery of health, the calls of condolence and inquiry may be returned, but it is not entirely necessary, and depends largely upon the convenience and individual desire of the person on whom the call was made.
When a hostess is asked to invite the friends of her friends to a reception at her home, she is not obligated to return their "calls of duty." Nor does a woman return any of the calls, formal or informal, of her gentlemen acquaintances. When one woman receives a call from another woman who bears a letter of introduction, a return call must be made promptly, or a letter of explanation written within two weeks after the day of the first call. The same rule is observed between men.
THE CALL OF CONDOLENCE
It should be remembered that no hasty intrusions should ever be made upon grief. It shows lack of good taste and extreme inconsideration.
Only intimate friends of a bereaved family, or of one member of that family, call for any length of time. Others merely leave their cards with cordial inquiries regarding the health and spirits of the members of the family. They may forward a box of flowers, including their personal card in the box, instead of calling to leave a card in person. But when the formal call of condolence is made, ten days or two weeks after the funeral, the intimate friends of the family should be careful to avoid all subjects that would cause pain to the bereaved ones. They should not, unless gifted with rare tact, make any reference to the death but should rather speak of cheerful things. However, it may be necessary to give some word of sympathy either upon greeting or departure. A tactful way to greet a sorrowing person is to say simply, "I have called to assure you of my sympathy." The subject should then be dropped, and other matters discussed. On departure a word of cheer and sympathy, and a hearty warm hand-clasp go a long way towards helping matters.
Calls of condolence should be brief. It is poor form to remain longer than fifteen minutes, unless one is a particularly intimate friend and able to relieve the intensity of grief by his or her presence. If the person called upon feels the loss so poignantly that he or she cannot be composed, it is far better to leave a cordial note at the door asking to be excused from all callers, than to great them and cause embarrassment by a display of emotion. Persons in affliction often prefer to be alone, and the intrusion of anyone except their very dearest friends causes fresh grief.
THE CALL OF CONGRATULATION AND INQUIRY
Calls of congratulation are warranted only by intimacy or by friendship of long standing. After the birth of a child, feminine friends of the mother incur the duty of calling upon her and leaving inquiries about her own and her child's health, along with the customary congratulations. Friends of the young lady who announces her engagement are expected to call and offer congratulations. This call is usually made between ten days and two weeks after the announcement is received. Married women who are friends of the young woman's mother also call to make their congratulations.
Calls of inquiry are made during the illness or convalescence of a friend or acquaintance. Sometimes these calls are made after a fire or accident, or after some severe financial loss or other disaster. Extreme tact is needed in paying such calls. The call itself assumes no greater proportions than that merely of doorstep card-leaving, yet it is an expression of genuine sympathy and a desire to show that friendship will be continued no matter what happens. The chapter devoted to visiting cards contains several model cards of inquiry that can be used on the various occasions mentioned.
THE SOCIAL CALLS OF MEN
Gentlemen of good society usually devote Sunday afternoons and evenings to their formal visits. Weekday evenings are also often given over to the same purpose. The gentleman who calls upon a lady shows good taste and consideration by selecting her day at home.
A man is expected to make calls of condolence, inquiry and congratulation upon all his intimate friends, men and women. He is also expected to pay a call promptly upon a hostess who has entertained him either at dinner or a dance. However, he may not call again unless he is invited to do so by the hostess. A bachelor residing in a new neighborhood is expected to return all first calls made upon him, but he has the privilege of requesting a sister or woman relative living with him to make the return call in his name.
When introduced to a gentleman by means of a letter of introduction from a mutual friend, it is essential that the recipient return the call within three days. This holds true also if it is a lady who presents the letter of introduction. Gentlemen who are invited to balls, dinners, theater parties, garden parties, etc., are expected to make calls within ten days or two weeks, even though they do not accept the invitation.
THE INVALID'S CALL
An invalid may return calls by sending a daughter or a close friend in her stead. A sister may also make calls for an invalided woman. When a member of society is an invalid, with no daughters or sisters, and with no very intimate friends, she may issue cards or notes through the mails if she wishes to keep up her social activities.
A daughter of an invalid calls upon all her mother's friends, introduces herself, and explains why she is appearing in her mother's place. Or she may just leave her mother's card, with her own name and a word of explanation written above it. The latter method is undoubtedly the most satisfactory.
A person who is invalided temporarily may send cards in answer to the courtesies of friends or she may allow her daughter to assume her social responsibilities. Usually because of the heavy demands which society places upon one she goes back to her round of calls, teas, receptions, etc., gradually rather than all at once. Friends are always considerate under such circumstances and etiquette never exacts more than one can possibly do.
ASKING A NEW ACQUAINTANCE TO CALL
You cannot, except under special conditions, invite people to your home unless you have called on them in formal manner and they have returned the visit. A young woman, and an unmarried woman, wait for an invitation to call from an older woman and matron. It is not advisable for a young woman to ask a gentleman to call until she has met him several times and is quite sure that she wishes to develop his friendship. A woman never calls upon a gentleman except on a business mission, in which case she may not discuss social or domestic topics. A married woman does not leave a card for an unmarried man unless she has been to a reception at his house; then she leaves one of her own cards with one of her husband's.
It is expected of a young matron or of a débutante that she request being permitted to call upon an elderly matron or old lady after the two have met at a watering-place or in the home of a mutual friend, and after having exchanged cards. A gentleman who wishes to call upon a young girl he admires, first asks permission of the lady's mother, being quite certain, of course, that his visit would be agreeable to the young lady herself. To ask permission of the mother is to convey a very distinct compliment to both women, and reflects culture and breeding upon the character of the young man himself.
When asking a gentleman to call it is sufficient to say, "Mother and I will be at home Wednesday at three o'clock, Mr. Blank. I hope you will come to see us," or, "I should be very glad to have you visit me, Mr. Blank. Mother and I are usually at home in the evenings."
In some sections of the country it is customary for the gentleman to ask permission to call upon a young lady, rather than for the young lady to request him to call. He may say, "Miss Blank, I hope I may call on you sometime before very long; or, "I would like to call upon you at your home, Miss Blank. May I call some evening when you and your mother are at home?"
THE WOMAN'S BUSINESS CALL
A woman may call on a man only for business purposes. In this case the man is usually her clergyman, editor, lawyer, physician or merchant, and the call is made during office hours.
The woman who is making a business call does not usually send in a visiting card, but merely gives her name to the attendant. She states her business briefly, remembering to avoid all personal, social or domestic topics not essential to the furtherance of the matter in hand. If it is necessary for a woman to call upon a man at his home, she must be accompanied by a male relative, or by a woman older than herself. This holds true only when she is entirely unacquainted with the members of the man's family, and is only acquainted with the man himself through business interests. She does not send up her cards, merely her name, and she makes her visit as short as possible. When a woman calls at a bachelor apartment or at a gentleman's studio it is an unimpeachable law of etiquette that she be correctly chaperoned. Etiquette also bars a woman from visiting a gentleman's club, even for the purpose of seeing her husband.
The lady who has been entertained at the home of a gentleman may drive to his door and send up her card. But she never enters his home for a social visit.
RECEIVING CALLS
The day at home is devoted exclusively to the receiving and entertaining of callers. This day at home is decided by the hostess at the beginning of the season; one day each week, or one day in every two weeks, is set apart for receiving calls.
The hostess should be ready to receive her first call by a few minutes before three o'clock. She may, if she wishes, specify a certain hour for calling on her at-home card, but if she prefers to leave the hour open, she should be prepared to greet her guests from three o'clock in the afternoon until a little before half-past five.
There are three methods that may be employed in announcing a caller. The method you choose should be governed by what you can afford and by what is most convenient for you. The most formal and effective plan is to have a full-liveried butler at the door to lead each guest to the drawing-room, and then announce his or her name to the hostess. Or a servant may be at the door to offer each visitor a small silver tray, on which to place his or her card. The most simple method is to place a large tray in the hall, preferably on a small table that is conspicuously situated, and into this the cards of the callers may
be cast as they pass into the drawing-room. It should be remembered that a maid-servant never announces callers, but only offers them a card-tray and helps them with their wraps.
The caller at an apartment house should first have the hall boy telephone up to the hostess—unless the caller is expected—to know if she is at home. It is not permissible except among very intimate friends to go up unannounced.
The hostess should always prepare some sort of refreshment for her guests on the day at home. In winter, tea or hot chocolate may be served with wafers or cake. Sometimes light sandwiches and bonbons are served on the day at home. In the warm summer months, if calls are made, the visitors may be refreshed with iced tea, chocolate or punch.
DUTIES OF THE HOSTESS
On her day at home, the hostess makes every effort to make her callers feel that she is glad to have them. She rises as each new guest makes his or her appearance, steps forward and offers her hand in greeting. The expressions, "How do you do, Mrs. Brown," and "I am delighted to see you, Mr. Gray," are effective phrases of greeting. It is her important duty to make general introductions, and to give some special attention to each caller as he or she arrives, drawing him into conversation with the others before leaving him to greet another newcomer.
If the rooms are warm, the hostess may invite a feminine caller to remove her wraps, but she must not assume this privilege with the gentleman. She usually serves tea or chocolate herself, but if there are many guests, she may ask one or two friends to assist her. It is poor hospitality to insist upon replenishing a cup of tea after a guest has declined with thanks.
RECEIVING THE CHANCE CALLER
It is not always very convenient to entertain chance callers, especially if one has some important business or appointment to attend to. But when the servant at the door has admitted that her mistress is at home, the hostess should exert every effort to make good the servant's assurance. She must not keep the caller waiting, nor must she ask to be excused after the caller has been admitted. If important business claims her time, she may come to the drawing room and after welcoming the visitor, explain the situation and ask to be excused. By no means may she send a written or verbal excuse by messenger. Having been admitted, the presence of the hostess is demanded if it is for no other reason than to offer an excuse.
If the hostess has no pressing business duties or appointments to which to attend, it is her duty to afford every hospitality to the chance caller. If the call is made in the afternoon, and if the hostess ordinarily serves tea at that hour, she may serve tea, chocolate or punch with cake or wafers.
When the caller is a gentleman, and the hostess a young lady, it is proper to call one's mother or chaperon into the drawing room to make the correct introduction, or if the visitor is already known, to welcome him. A young lady who is well-bred does not entertain gentlemen until they have been welcomed by her mother.
When two chance callers arrive at the same time, the hostess is, of course, under obligation to make the necessary introductions.
WHEN THE HOST IS AT HOME
It is not very often that the host is present at his wife's day at home, for the very good reason that business claims all his time during the day. But there is no reason why he should not be present if he desires to and if it is convenient for him.
The duty of any masculine member of a family appearing in the drawing room on the day at home—whether it be husband, son or brother—is to share in the honors and obligations of the occasion. He will be introduced to those visitors with whom he is not already acquainted, by his wife or sister, as the case may be; and he is expected to assist in entertaining, pass the cups, make introductions, accompany departing guests to the door and join in the conversations.
When it can be arranged it is most delightful for the husband and wife to receive their friends together. For this reason even formal society is lenient with regard to time and Sundays may be utilized for "at homes," teas, or receptions.
TAKING LEAVE OF THE HOSTESS
The hostess is not expected to accompany her departing guests to the door when there are others still in the room to claim her attention. However, it is only a matter of genuine friendliness and politeness to accompany each departing guest as far as the drawing room door. This rule does not hold true when one of the guests is infirm, or when the hostess is entertaining a very distinguished visitor. But ordinarily, it is all-sufficient to rise when a guest makes a move to depart, offer one's hand in cordial farewell, and say, "Good afternoon, Miss Cary. So good of you to come," or, "Good-by, Mrs. Blank, I hope to hear some more about that wonderful trip to East India."
The hostess continues to stand until the guest turns to pass out of the room. If the guest is a woman, it is a mark of extreme politeness to remain standing until she has left the room entirely. When all the guests have departed, the hostess usually accompanies the last visitor to the hall door; and if it is a special friend, she is privileged to accompany her to the very street door. However, the hostess must be careful not to extend any special courtesies to an intimate friend while other guests are present, nor may she draw a visitor aside to converse in an undertone about some private or personal affair.
On rising to depart, a caller seeks out the hostess and bids her a formal adieu. Prolonged farewells are not the best taste, for they keep the hostess standing and distracted when there are others who are entitled to her time and attention. As soon as one intimates that he or she wishes to depart, a quick but cordial farewell should be taken and the departure made as soon as possible. To bow oneself out of the drawing room is a foreign and wholly undemocratic custom which no well-bred man or woman recognizes. A slight inclination of the head, a cordial good-afternoon to the guests, and a formal farewell to the hostess should be followed by immediate leaving of the room.
In apartment houses it is a pretty little attention for the hostess to accompany her guest to the elevator and ring the bell for her. This she should, of course, not do in the event that there are others present to claim her attention.
A gentleman rises from his seat when a woman enters and when she rises to depart. When taking leave of the hostess he waits for her to offer her hand, otherwise he merely bows and offers some word of farewell.
THE EVENING CALL
A gentleman is privileged to make his call in return for a hospitality extended him in the evening. It is considerate of him, when he cannot call in the afternoon, to call on the evening of the hostess' day at home.
When a young man has been asked to call by a young lady, he does not ask to see her alone but requests of the servant at the door that he be announced to the ladies. This is especially important, for it infers that he expects to be presented to the young lady's mother or her chaperon. After he has met her mother, it is entirely proper for him, when calling, to request to see the particular lady for whom the visit is intended.
A gentleman is usually shown into the drawing-room by the servant. He retains his overcoat and gloves until the servant returns to let him know that the young lady will receive him presently; then he divests himself of these garments and either puts them himself in the hall, or entrusts them to the servant. When the lady enters, he rises, steps forward to meet her, and does not resume his seat until she has seated herself.
WHEN GENTLEMEN RECEIVE CALLERS
A lady does not call upon a gentleman unless it is for the purpose of business. Under such conditions, the gentleman rises, finds her a seat and proceeds immediately with the matter of business. No social or domestic topics are introduced. If the interview is to be a short one, or if the man is pressed for time, he may go out to meet the lady in the corridor or outer office and stand while he hears her business.
When a lady is admitted to his private office, a gentleman does not receive her with his hat on, or with his coat off. He refrains from smoking, and gives her his whole attention during the interview. If his telephone rings, he must excuse himself before answering it. He rises when the lady is ready to leave, opens the door for her, and accompanies her to the door or elevator if he wishes to be extremely polite. However, this latter courtesy is necessary only when the visitor is a relative or special friend. A gentleman merely bows when a lady takes her departure, unless she herself offers her hand.
It is quite permissible when certain pressing affairs claim one's attention to request to be excused or postpone the business call until some later date. Or if he wishes her to be brief, the gentleman may courteously request the lady to do so, and he will invariably find that she will be only too willing to comply with his request. But there can be no excuse for the man who insists upon being curt to women who call at his office on matters of business, any more than there is an excuse for lack of gallantry and courtesy in the drawing-room.
A gentleman receives his masculine callers at his home as cordially and with as much hospitality as the lady receives her feminine friends. He must observe all the rules outlined for the hostess. He greets each caller formally, makes all necessary introductions, sees that conversation runs smoothly and pleasantly, and if he wishes, offers refreshments. When he has a mother or sister to help him entertain, he may invite women guests, and then it is his duty to accompany each lady as far as the door and see that her car is in readiness. When the last guest to depart is a gentleman, the host usually goes with him as far as the hall door, and assists him with his coat.
MAKING A CHANCE CALL
Very often a call is returned on some other day than that set apart by the hostess for the day at home. It is not always convenient for friends and acquaintances to observe a certain day at home, but when they call on other days they always are faced with uncertainty. Of course there are some women who do not have a definite day at home, but they may be found at home almost any afternoon.
A woman calling on a friend or acquaintance on no definite day makes some such inquiry as follows of the servant at the door: "Is Mrs. Gray at home?" or, "Are the ladies in this afternoon?" Having received a reply in the negative, the caller leaves her card and departs. There must be no questions as to where the ladies may be, or what time they shall return, unless one is a particularly intimate friend of the entire family.
When the servant announces at the door that her mistress is not at home, it may mean either that she is out of the house entirely or that she is so completely occupied with business that she is not able to entertain. In either case, however, the report of the servant must be taken as final, and it may not be questioned.
INFORMAL CALLS
We will call it that—these friendly little visits that neighbors make upon each other in smaller towns, or in less fashionable circles. Informal calls. But you may call them friendly calls, if you wish.
In small towns, and especially in the country, women may "drop in" for a chat with their neighbors any time in the afternoon. Even morning calls between ten and one o'clock are permissible. There is nothing formal about these calls. It is not necessary to have a liveried butler at the door to announce the name, nor a small silver tray on which to place the caller's card. Butlers, cards and formalities are all omitted, and the call drops into a delightfully intimate visit.
It would be ridiculous to attempt to set down a definite time limit for these calls. They may be as short as twenty minutes or as long as two hours, depending entirely upon the individuals and the circumstances. Refreshments may or may not be served as one pleases. Formal greetings and farewells are dispensed with, and in their place are cordial "hellos" and "good-bys" that are entirely conducive to good friendship.
If you feel that, because you are not fortunate enough to own a pretentious dwelling and to hire impressive butlers and maid-servants to welcome your guests, you should not make calls and have them returned, you are depriving yourself of a pleasure infinitely greater than all elaborate display and ostentation. Simple, informal calls made for the purpose of creating and developing friendships, and made with a feeling of genuine cordiality and friendliness, are even more gratifying than the stiffly formal social calls.
Do not feel that you are obeying etiquette's decrees when you neglect your friendships merely because your home and facilities do not warrant extensive social intercourse. True etiquette is universal in its appeal and reaches the country-woman in her little cottage as directly as it reaches the stately dowager in her city mansion.