Book of Etiquette/Volume 1/Part 2/Chapter 4
CHAPTER IV
VISITING CARDS—AND OTHERS
YOUR CARD A REPRESENTATIVE OF YOU
An interesting anecdote we have in mind will illustrate better than anything we can say, the importance of the correct card, whether it be in business or social activities.
A rather eccentric gentleman discovered an amazing new commodity for which there had been considerable demand for many years. He became immediately famous. Reporters besieged his home and office in quest of interviews, but the reports in the newspapers were of the vaguest and most indefinite. He shunned publicity, and absolutely refused to see or speak to anyone.
Then a brilliant young chap who knew and understood the eccentricities of the inventor, conceived the idea of having a special card engraved to send in to him. The others laughed at his "foolish idea" as they called it, but he had absolute faith in his plan. He had a neat white card engraved with his name and address, much the same form and size as the ordinary social card. But in the lower left-hand corner, in tiny italics, these words were printed: "Wishes to tell the people the truth about your discovery."
The card went in to the inventor. The reporter was admitted. And his paper boasted headlines and columns of startling facts the next day that no other paper in town had. The very appearance of the card, its neatness and its obvious originality, commanded the attention of the man who hated publicity, and caused him to submit to an interview.
Of course we cannot all have special cards printed for certain occasions. Nor can we be original to the extent that we do not follow the rules of etiquette regarding correct forms for social cards. But we can make our cards so distinctive, so representative of ourselves, that the recipient will find as much pleasure in receiving them as we in offering them. And by distinctive we do not mean the fancy or embellished card, but the one that is strictly in accord with the rules of good usage as outlined in the following paragraphs.
GENERAL RULES REGARDING CARDS
Social and professional cards should be engraved either on copper or steel; plain, readable type should be used. Ornate scripts that are hardly legible should be avoided. Ordinary script type is permissible, but it must not be fancy or comprised wholly of swinging flourishes. A plain letter is always preferable. The ordinary Roman type, or any new modification of it, or Gothic lettering, is always in good taste.
When a large quantity of cards is desired, the copperplate should be requested, as the greatest number of clear impressions can be taken from it. Requests may also be made of the stationer to use an embossed plate so that the letters stand out in relief. The color should be white or cream. Other colors are in bad taste, although sometimes buff and pale blue cards are used by professional men and women. The stock should be thin; not as thin as paper, but much thinner than that used for other kinds of cards.
Cards are engraved with the owner's name and address, or with the name alone. If it is a profesional card, the word "Artist" or "Attorney-at-law" or whatever the profession happens to be may appear in the lower left-hand corner. Military men may also print their rank or position in this corner, as may also professors and others holding a title of distinction.
The engraving of names and addresses should never be in any color but black. Black engraving on a pure white card is the best form for the social card. Gilt letterings are an indication of ignorance, and so are brightly colored engraving or highly tinted paper.
SIZE OF CARDS FOR WOMEN
Each new visiting season brings with it new fashions in cards—fashions that chiefly affect the size of the card. Thus it would hardly be practical to state definitely correct sizes. But we will give here the approximate size for the woman's visiting and social cards, and exact information can be acquired from one's personal stationer or from one of the current magazines which run special departments to take care of matters of this kind.
When a lady's card bears her name only, it should never measure more than two and seven-eighths inches in length and two and one-eighth inches in width. No card should be smaller than two and one-half inches in length and one and seven-eighths inches in width. A double card, on which the names of both mother and daughter or both husband and wife appear, should be about three inches and a half in length, by two and one-half in width. No decorations of any kind should be used on a card.
Polite society at the present time favors pure white, unglazed bristol board about two and two-third inches in length by two and one-eighth inches in width.
SIZE AND MATERIAL OF CARDS FOR MEN
It is usual for a man's card to be narrower and the least bit shorter than a woman's. The ordinary size is two and five-eighths inches by one and three-eighths inches, but like the woman's card is subject to change. The stationer will be able to give definite information regarding the size of the man's card at the present time.
A man's card is as severely simple and unadorned as the woman's. No ornamentation, no flourish in the lettering. Just plain, readable type or script engraved in black upon white. The card itself should be of polished, but not glazed, bristol board, the kind that is flexible and thin. Some gentlemen have their cards made of especially thin stock to avoid bulky card cases or waistcoat pockets.
A bachelor may have his home address engraved in the lower right-hand corner of his card, with the name of his favorite club opposite. If he resides entirely at his club, the name is engraved in the lower right-hand corner. It is bad form to have a business address engraved on one's social visiting card. An at-home day is never given on a gentlemans card, but appears in the lower left-hand corner of his wife's card. A bachelor is not expected to devote a definite day to the entertaining of callers unless he is an artist with a studio.
TITLES ON CARDS FOR WOMEN
A woman's visiting card should be engraved solely with her name, address and day at home. Any decorations such as gilded edges, crests or superfluous engravings are an indication of bad taste.
In America a lady never assumes any title other than Mrs. or Miss on her social card. There is only one exception to this rule: a professional woman may use her title of doctor of medicine, etc. In this case, even though she is married, she drops her husband's Christian names and signs herself Marian M. Browning, M. D.
A woman does not share, on her cards, the honorary titles of her husband. For instance, the wife of our president has her cards engraved "Mrs. Warren Gamaliel Harding." The wife of a secretary, judge, general or admiral does not use any title other than Mrs. Even the woman who is a successful physician should not use her title on her social cards, unless, as explained above, she is elderly. It is wise for a woman physician to have two sets of cards, one with her name and title, and with her office hours in the corner, the other with her name alone, and her house address in the corner. A physician's social card should be engraved simply "Miss Marian Mansfield Browning."
It is always better form to give in full the Christian name or names, as well as the surname. It is not tasteful to indicate by an initial only the husband's first name, and engrave his middle name, thus: "Mrs. J. Henry Williams." Both names should be given in full. It is not considered dignified to use abbreviations of a husband's name, as Frank for Francis, Alec for Alexander, Joe for Joseph. Nor should an unmarried woman use such abbreviations of her name as Polly, Sally, Dolly, etc.
The wife who is the senior matron of the senior branch of a family may drop both her husband's first and middle names from her cards, and have them read simply: "Mrs. Robinson." Her eldest unmarried daughter is entitled to use a card reading: "Miss Robinson." When the name is a very ordinary one like Brown or Smith, it is always wiser to use the Christian names to avoid confusion.
A spinster, or as the modern woman likes to call herself, the "bachelor girl," may not use cards engraved merely Miss Gray, unless she is the oldest daughter of a family. She has her cards engraved in either of the three following forms: "Miss Mary Hammond Gray" or "Miss Mary H. Gray" or just "Miss Mary Gray." The first initial should never be used, except when the young lady is known by her middle name, unless professional purposes demand it.
Mrs. John Jay Holmes
12 West Street
Miss Helen Holmes
12 West Street
CARDS FOR WIDOWS
A widow is privileged to retain her husband's Christian name on her card if she wishes, unless her eldest son is married and bears the full name of his deceased father. In this case, of course, there would be confusion, and it is much wiser for her to have her cards engraved with her own Christian and middle names, in this manner: "Mrs. Lucille May Hopkins." If there is no reason for her to drop her husband's Christian and middle names after his death, she may sign herself: "Mrs. Henry Waltam Hopkins."
At the present time, it is good form for the woman who has been divorced to use her maiden surname with the surname of the divorced or deceased husband, dropping all Christian names. Thus a woman whose maiden name was Harris would have her cards engraved "Mrs. Harris Smith" if she is divorced from her husband. The name, even if she resumes her full maiden name, should be pre-prefixed by "Mrs.," never by "Miss." A widow should avoid following the style prescribed for a divorced woman, since it is likely to cause embarrassing ambiguity.
It is fully permissible for a widow to revive her maiden name after several years of widowhood. The divorced woman, however, may not use her maiden name on her cards until there has been a legal annulment of her marriage, in which case, as was stated above, she uses it with the title "Mrs.," not "Miss."
THE YOUNG LADY's CARD
When a young lady has been formally introduced to society by her mother, she uses for her first year of calls, cards that bear her name below that of her mother. She assumes a private card only when she is no longer a débutante. The joint card, as it is called, should be larger in size than the card her mother ordinarily uses, and the young lady's Christian and middle names should be used unless she is the eldest daughter of the family. A model card appears below.
Mrs. Robert Cole
Miss Jean Evelyn Cole
TuesdaysSouth Street
When mother and daughter pay calls together, this one card serves for both. But when the daughter makes calls alone, she runs a pencil line lightly through her mother's name—unless, of course, she is merely leaving cards and not making formal calls. The mother does not use the double card when calling alone, unless she is leaving cards for herself and her daughter. Very often the double card, with the name of mother and daughter, is used even after the daughter has emerged from her débutanteship, when both are visiting together. In less formal society the daughter has her own card bearing only her name, with or without title, which she uses whenever the occasion demands it, and in many instances, even when she makes her début she has a card of her own which she uses instead of or in addition to the one which she shares with her mother.
When two daughters make their début in society at the same time, the name of the mother appears nearest the top, as before, directly below it is "Miss Cole" for the eldest daughter, and below that "Miss Edna Cole" for her younger sister. The form "The Misses Cole" may also be used when there are two or three daughters. The joint card is used to announce the address and at-home day, at the beginning of the season; but it is also used when the ladies of a family send a wedding gift with their card, when they send flowers to an invalided friend or when they make calls of condolence or congratulation together.
There are several other double, or joint, cards used besides those of the mother and daughter. A motherless girl, living with her father, may couple her name with his. Sisters who have no parents may use a double card with the name of the older engraved above that of the younger, or with the simple inscription, "The Misses Gray." A sister who is unmarried often shares a joint card with a married sister, when they are living together. A chaperon and motherless girl, an aunt and unmarried niece are entitled to use joint cards if they wish.
After her first season, a young lady, when calling alone, uses her own card. However, if her mother is an active hostess who issues her cards every season and receives with her daughters, she does not indicate a day at home on her personal cards. A supply of double cards should always be available when there are daughters in the family, even though they issue their own cards, for many instances arise when the double card is more acceptable than any other.
INDICATING THE DAY AT HOME
The lower left-hand comer of the visiting card is reserved for the day at home. If one day each week—or rather one afternoon from three until six o'clock each week—is devoted to the entertaining of visitors, the word "Fridays" or "Tuesdays" is engraved in the corner. There need be no explanation, no further details, unless the hostess for some reason wishes to state the hours during which she will be receiving, in which case it is quite permissible to add them to the names of the day or days.
Sometimes particular limits are set on the days at home. For instance some hostesses are at home only one after- noon in every second, or every third, week. This requires special wording. For instance, "First and Fourth Wednesdays" or "First Fridays" (meaning first Fridays in the month). One may also set a time limit by having one's cards engraved: "Tuesdays until Lent" or "Mondays until April," or "Wednesdays, December 9—16—23."
THE MARRIED COUPLE'S CARD
The married woman finds many occasions to use the card that is engraved with her husband's and her name. It is never used to announce her day at home, unless he is to receive with her, though she may use it when calling, if she wishes.
The double card for a married couple is larger than, the individual card, but just about the size of the double card used for mother and daughter. A model is shown below.
Mr. and Mrs. John Blake
200 West End Avenue
Brides use the joint card when returning calls made upon them after their return from the honeymoon. It is also customary for such a card to be inclosed with a wedding invitation or with an announcement of marriage, to give the united names of the couple with their future address and day at home. If this last plan is not followed, the bride posts, immediately upon her return home, a double card bearing her address and day at home, to all her own and her husband's friends. The double card is then rarely used, except for such occasions as when husband wife send a gift together, or pay calls of inquiry, condolence or congratulation together.
USING JR. AND SR.
"Jr." is a contraction of the word Junior; "Sr." is a contraction of the word "Senior." These suffixes are not generally used on women's cards, but there are several occasions when they are necessary. There is, for instance, the lady whose husband bearing the same name as his father lives in the same town. Her cards must bear the suffix "Jr." if they are not to be confused with the cards of her mother–in–law.
In this instance, if the mother–in–law were a widow using her husband's full name, it would be necessary for her to add the word "Senior," or its abbreviation, "Sr.," after her name to avoid having it confused with that of her daughter–in–law. The latter would, in this case, omit the "Jr." from her cards. If both women lost their husbands, and both wished to retain the husband's Christian names on their cards, the discriminating "Jr." and "Sr." should be used. These suffixes do not have to be used if the younger widow only retains the Christian names of her husband, and the older woman revives the use of her own Christian and middle names. "Jr." and "Sr." may appear on the cards in their abbreviated forms. Indeed, it is preferable if the name is a long one.
TITLES ON CARDS FOR MEN
A gentleman's card should always bear some distinguishing title. The only time when "Mr." may be omitted, is when "Jr." or "Sr." follows the name, or when some honorary title is conferred. A boy under sixteen may have a card which bears only his name without title.
Undignified abbreviations or contractions of names should never be used on a gentleman's card. The inscription should read: "Mr. Robert W. Blake" or, preferably, "Mr. Robert Walter Blake." Such contractions as "Mr. Bob Blake" or "Mr. R. Walter Blake" are discountenanced by good society. Only the gentleman who represents the head of the senior branch of his family may use a card with his name engraved simply, "Mr. Blake."
Very often a bachelor has his home address engraved in the lower right-hand corner of his card, with the name of his favorite club in the corner opposite. If he resides entirely at his club, its name occupies the place usually reserved on the card for home addresses. And at-home day is never given on a gentleman's card, unless he is an artist and has many friends who are fond of coming to his studio.
In the army, only those men whose ranks are above captain use their military title on their visiting cards. Others use merely the prefix "Mr." Men who are officers of volunteer regiments are not entitled to the use of military titles on their cards, and they should be careful to use only "Mr." before their names. A captain, major, or colonel in the army signifies in the corner of the card whether his command is in the artillery, the infantry, or the cavalry.
A Justice of the Supreme Court has his cards engraved with the title Mr. Justice preceding his name, thus: "Mr. Justice John Emmonds Cary." Lawyers and judges of the lower courts may use only the prefix "Mr." Presidents of colleges, officers of the navy, physicians and clergymen all signify their office, rank or profession on their cards. A physician may have his card engraved in either of these two approved manners: "Dr. Everett Johnson" or "Everett Johnson, M.D." A clergyman who has received his degree does not use the title "Dr.," but has his cards engraved, “Elmer J. Burnham, D.D." Other men with honorary titles follow a similar style.
Members of the cabinet, if they wish, may have their cards formally engraved "The Secretary of State," "The Secretary of War," "The Secretary of the Interior," etc. A senator, however, may use only the prefix "Mr.," having his cards engraved "Mr. Johnson." Of course the president and vice-president, and ambassadors indicate their office and rank on their card, as do also all professors and deans of colleges. A member of the faculty of Yale would have his cards inscribed, "Mr. Walter Beacon Clark, Yale University." Foreign consuls and representatives use only the title "Mr."
Business addresses should never be used on a gentleman's social card. A physician or clergyman need not follow this rule, provided that no office hours are given.
Mr. Robert Livingston
- 4 West Tenth Street
PROFESSIONAL CARDS FOR MEN
Professional cards and visiting cards should always be kept distinct from each other. The physician who uses his professional card, with business hours engraved on it, for a social call, is committing an irretrievable blunder in etiquette.
A physician has the privilege of choosing either of two forms for his professional card. He may prefix his name with "Dr." or add the initials "M.D." to it. In the lower right-hand corner of the card, his house address is engraved; and in the opposite corner, his office hours. For his social cards, the physician omits the office hours and uses M.D. after his name rather than "Dr." before it.
"Rev." or "Reverend," is the approved title for a clergyman. Cards are engraved: "Reverend Raymond Falke Fleming" or "Rev. Raymond F. Fleming." A clergyman who is entitled to the degree of doctor may use all his titles on his professional cards, but has his social card engraved merely: "Ralph Kendrick Williams, D.D."
Not infrequently it happens that a man has occasion to write his name on a card with his own hand. In this case he does not omit the conventional "Mr.," or his honorary titles, but writes his name identically as it would appear if engraved.
No card should be crowded with a great deal of information but a busines card may bear whatever is necessary really to represent the person whose name appears upon it. The salesman or other representative of a large firm has the name of the firm on his business card and the man who is in a highly specialized kind of work such as advertising, may have the word "Advertising" engraved on his card. An agent for a particular kind of commodity may have this fact indicated on his business card. Such details have, of course, absolutely no place on the social card.
CARDS FOR MOURNING
The tradition of edging a card with black in deference to the dead can be traced back to the ancient Patagonians who used black paint to denote the passing of a spirit. They painted their bodies black, if they were near relatives of the deceased, and painted all the belongings of the dead man or woman black. This may not have been so much mourning as it was fear, for these people of long ago were afraid of death, and they used the death-color largely to please the spirit of the one who died. Perhaps the black-bordered mourning cards we use to-day are used more in the spirit of ostentation and display rather than that of mourning.
Unless one is truly sorrowing over the death of some dear one, mourning cards should not be used. When they are used, the borders should be very narrow—never more than one-fourth of an inch. They should not be carried by people who are not in strict mourning garments.
During the first year of widowhood, the mourning card should have a black border one-fourth of an inch deep. The second year the border may be diminished one-sixteenth of an inch; and every six months after that, the same amount may be detracted from the border, until mourning is put off entirely. A widower's card has a border narrower than the widow's in proportion to the size of their respective cards. It, too, is gradually decreased in width until the end of the mourning period.
This graduation, or rather gradual narrowing, of the border is not used in the mourning of a sister's, brother's or parent's death. For these relatives, a border not less than a sixteenth or more than an eighth of an inch in width should be used. Mourning cards should not be assumed for an uncle, aunt or cousin, unless genuine sorrow and heartfelt sympathy are felt. A border that is a sixteenth of an inch in width is sufficient for the complete period of mourning for these latter relatives.
The mourning cards of parents and widows should bear the broadest black borders, but even they must not exceed the conventional width, which is not more than one-fourth of an inch. Very wide, glaring borders denote bad taste on the part of the owner. (See footnote)[1]
WHEN THE WOMAN GOES A-CALLING
A visiting card is always left on the hall table or on the card tray, if it is not given to the servant. The caller must on no occasion carry it in and present it to her hostess like a billet d'admission. A woman never presents it herself to her hostess.
When the call is made on the hostess' day at home, cards are left on the tray in the hall as each caller passes through to the drawing- or reception-room. If it is the first call of the season, to that particular friend or acquaintance, she places one of her own cards and one of her husband's in the tray. Subsequent calls of the season do not require one of her own cards left each time in the tray; but if the call is made in return for some hospitality or entertainment accorded her and her husband, she leaves two of the latter's cards—provided, only, that the hostess is a married woman.
Until about 1893, women, when paying calls and finding that the hostess was not at home, turned down the left corner of the card towards the center, to indicate that all the women members of the family were included in the call. If the right corner was also turned down, it meant that the visitor came to make a formal call, not for the simple purpose of card-leaving. This custom has been entirely eliminated in America, at any rate, though it still prevails in certain foreign countries. And rightly so, for it is both affected and untidy.
WHEN MORE THAN ONE CARD IS LEFT
A wife beginning her rounds of first calls, leaves two of her husband's cards with one of her own. She repeats this when she comes to congratulate or condole, and when she pays her final calls of the season. It is wise for a wife always to carry a number of her husband's cards in her card case, as she is often called upon to use them for such social occasions that the busy business man is loath to attend.
If a wife calls upon a friend who is entertaining for a friend or relative and the invitation included her husband, she leaves three of his cards with one of her own if the hostess is a married woman, two of his and one of hers if she is single. She never leaves one of her husband's cards for an unmarried daughter. She should not use the card bearing both her name and that of her husband but should use two separate cards when it is in connection with social calls.
Etiquette does not permit a woman to leave a card for a man. She may call on a man only for the purpose of business, and then she uses her business cards, if she has them, instead of her social ones. A married woman calling upon a single woman who is the hostess and mistress of her own home, leaves one of her own cards and one of her husband's, or the joint card which is engraved, "Mr. and Mrs. William Allan Beckford." In many instances it may seem more courteous to leave more than one card, but a woman calling alone should never leave more than three. It has not been many years since she was almost compelled to leave half a dozen or more but common sense intervened and this custom like most others has been simplified.
SOME MORE POINTS ABOUT CALLS AND CARDS
A young lady during her first year in society may leave her name on the same card with her mother's. If there are two débutante daughters, the joint card is made to suffice for all three. If a young lady using separate cards calls on a friend's day at home, she may put two cards into the tray on entering, if the hostess is receiving with a friend or daughter, or she may leave only one card, if she prefers. This is done only when the call is the first of the season, or when it is in return for some entertainment. Otherwise, if the young lady is a frequent visitor to the house, and calls on her friend's day at home, she need not leave her card.
Neither a matron nor a young lady may leave a card for a masculine member of a household. A young lady paying a chance call on a mother and daughters, and being told the ladies are out, leaves two of her cards. An unmarried woman calling on her married friend leaves but one card. But if this friend has a friend or relative receiving with her, or if she has a daughter or daughters in society, then a card is left for each of the ladies.
An unmarried woman, living with a father or brother, and acting as mistress of the household, has cards left for her as carefully as the matron. A widow must also be given scrupulous attention in the matter of cards.
A young lady who calls after a dance, dinner or theater party leaves a card for the mother of the young friend upon whom she calls. If a mother gives a dance or dinner in honor of her son just returned from college, or just leaving for college, the ladies who attend call afterward only on the hostess and leave their cards for her.
Sometimes, one calls upon a friend or acquaintance at a hotel or inn. If the ladies are out, the caller leaves cards marked for the persons they are intended, in pencil. Otherwise they are likely to go astray, considering the indifference and carelessness of the average servants. It is also customary for both men and women, when paying calls in strange neighborhoods, to write on their cards their temporary address. The corner that is opposite that used for the permanent address is devoted to the filling-in of this temporary address.
THE CHANCE CALL
If a married woman calls in return for some hospitality shown her and her husband, she leaves two of her own cards and two of his. But if it is just a social call, she leaves only her own card. In this latter case, she asks at the door to see the ladies. If she is informed that they are not at home, she gives the card to the maid and departs. On the other hand, if the ladies are at home, the card is placed on the tray in the hall, and the caller goes into the drawing-room to be welcomed by her friends.
If the maid does not know whether or not the ladies are at home, and says she will see, the caller gives her own card and goes into the drawing-room to wait further word from the maid. Should the ladies be out, she leaves two of her husband's cards on the card tray in the hall before leaving. If the ladies are at home, she does not deposit her husband's cards in the tray until her departure.
Very often a lady will call on a very good friend, more for a friendly little talk and for companionship than for social duty. In this case, she is privileged to send up only one card; and leave it behind, whether that lady is out or in, without any other cards.
SIMPLE CARD-LEAVING
Frequently, cards are left when there is no intention on the part of the owner to make a call. To return calls made upon one, by persistent card-leaving, is to indicate that one wishes to draw a friendship to a close. It is accomplished merely by leaving a card, on no particular at-home day but simply by chance, and by making no inquiries of the servant. One says to a servant, "Please forward these cards to Miss Adams" or, "These cards are for Mr. and Mrs. Blakelock."
There are several exceptions—several occasions when cards may be left without a formal call and still indicate no desire to terminate an acquaintanceship. It is only persistent card-leaving that is indicative of this latter. A lady in mourning, for instance, is privileged to leave her cards only in return for invitations she may have received. It is proper for people in mourning to leave cards for all those persons who called after the burial to leave cards of condolence; these return cards are usually black-bordered, and they are left about one month after the funeral.
Another custom that remains unchanged through the constant evolution of social culture, is that of leaving cards for the bride's mother when invitations to the church ceremony only are received, and when the bride's mother is a stranger to the person invited. Upon receiving the announcement of a wedding, the proper thing to do is to leave cards for the bride's mother, even though she is a total stranger.
Cards must be left by each guest for the lady who has entertained a club, charity or literary organization, at her home. They serve the same purpose as cards that are left after an entertainment or hospitality on the part of the hostess.
The custom of card-leaving without a call is also observed when a friend or acquaintance goes to a home that has been visited by death.
SHOULD A STRANGER LEAVE CARDS?
The question has often been asked, whether or not a man or woman being entertained by friends, is obligated to leave cards when they accompany those friends on calls. There are certain varying conditions that govern the answers to this question.
The stranger is invited to accompany the caller primarily as a matter of convenience. If the person visited is not at home, no question of card-leaving is involved—only the friend leaves cards and not the stranger. But if the hostess is found at home, and if the stranger intends to spend at least two weeks in the neighborhood, it is necessary for him, or her, to leave cards. It is not necessary for the stranger to leave cards when the visit in the neighborhood is to be a short one, and the call is entirely a matter of convenience. If no card is left, the hostess will understand that no call is expected in return, and that the stranger expects no invitations to the coming social activities in the neighborhood.
Sometimes a man or woman accompanies a friend or relative to the home of a stranger, for the purpose, previously arranged, of being introduced and paying a first call. Here the etiquette of card-leaving is clearly defined. If the call is made on the day at home, the caller leaves his or her cards on the hall table, just as for any other first call. But if it happens to be a chance call, and the hostess is not at home, the stranger leaves cards with those of the friend.
When two women pay a chance call together, and one is a perfect stranger at the house visited, no question of card etiquette arises if the hostess is not at home. But if she is at home, the stranger may pencil his or her name on the card that the friend sends up. No card is left by this stranger, unless he has been cordially entertained in the hostess' drawing room, served with tea, and unless the hostess has expressed a desire of meeting him, or her, again. In this case, a card is left when the stranger is departing, and a return call is expected.
CARDS AND BUSINESS CALLS
The laws of social calling and card-leaving do not hold true when a business call is made. A special set of rules take care of all business calls that the woman may make.
The usage which governs the woman who is calling upon a man on a matter of business has already been described. She does not send in her card. To give her name to the attendant, stating her business, or to write both on a slip of paper provided for the purpose, is sufficient.
If the business call is made on a woman who is a stranger to the other woman who is making the call, it is necessary to send in one card, inscribed with the name of the caller and a few penciled words regarding the nature of the business. Or the card may be sent in with a brief word to the servant regarding the purpose of the call.
Two women who are on charity committees, or other committees, together, who are social equals but who do not exchange cards and calls, have a special card etiquette to follow when calling upon each other regarding matters of mutual interest on the committee. The caller sends up one of her own personal cards with a word or two explaining the object of the call. This card is left with the servant to give to the hostess if she is not at home.
WHEN A MAN LEAVES CARDS
All the rules of card-leaving outlined for the woman who follows the dictates of social calling, may be applied to the well-bred young man—but with the following exceptions:
A man never leaves the cards of any other man, nor does he assume any of the card-leaving duties incurred by the feminine members of his family. When calling on a lady's afternoon at home, the gentleman leaves one card for the hostess and one for the host on the card tray, on entering the house. Whether the host is at home or not, if the caller is acquainted with him, he must leave one of his cards for him, provided that the call is being made in return for some hospitality enjoyed. If there is a young daughter in the family with whom the caller is acquainted, a third card must be left.
A young man, calling at the home of a young lady, asks to see the ladies, meaning the mother or chaperon as well as the particular young lady herself. No well-mannered young man asks to see only one lady, when there are several others in the house. If the ladies are out, he may leave a sufficient number of cards for all of them, including one for the host or he may leave one card without explanation. If the ladies are in, he still leaves a card for the host on the hall table when he is departing.
When making his first or last call of the season, a man may leave one card for each one of the ladies and each one of the men of the household with whom he is acquainted. This holds true only when the call is made on the day at home, or on a Sunday afternoon or evening. The man who calls on a lady's day at home, and whose call has no reference to any social debts or obligations, leaves only one card—and if he is an intimate friend at the house where the call is made, he leaves no cards at all.
Men's social calls are few. Business affairs require most of their time, and the duty of card-leaving is generally given into the hands of a feminine relative—either mother, sister or wife. Married men invariably entrust their formal social duties to their wives, but single men must not take advantage of this privilege. It is all very well for a mother or sister to leave the cards of a son or brother who is busy at his office on the hostesses whose hospitality they enjoyed together. But when a young man is entertained by a hostess who is not on his mother's or sister's visiting list, it is very important for him to make his return calls in person. This is especially true in regard to dinner and ball hospitalities—they require immediate and cordial reciprocation in the matter of calls and card-leaving.
THE MAN'S CHANCE CALL
Unless the ladies are in the drawing-room, ready to receive, a man, upon making a chance call, sends up his card or cards to the people he wishes to see. If the servant who opens the door does not know whether or not the ladies are at home, or if she says that they are at home but not downstairs, the caller places his cards on the tray and waits in the drawing-room for the return of the servant.
If the call is made after a ball, dinner or theater party, and the young man is calling on the young ladies of the household, he sends up a card for each young lady, and also one for the mother or chaperon. If the call is made for the express purpose of seeing one particular young lady, a card must be sent up for her and for her mother or chaperon. Two cards are also requied when a man calls upon a maried couple, in whose name he has received some hospitality. He sends up one card for each.
After having called several times at a certain house, obviously for the purpose of seeing a young lady of the family and enjoying her society, it is no longer necessary to include the chaperon in the ceremony of card-leaving.[2] (See footnote.) One may send a card up only to the lady one wishes to see.
ABOUT LEAVING AND POSTING CARDS
When an invalid, elderly lady or woman in deep mourning desires to repay by some courtesy, calls made upon her or invitations received, she may leave cards at a door instead of paying a personal call, or sending them by post or messenger. A very busy hostess may employ the same means of returning a dinner call or first call that she owes a friend or acquaintance, especially if she is desirous of extending an invitation. Instead of leaving the card, she may even, for lack of time and opportunity, post it with an engraved or written invitation.
A man or woman unable to accept an invitation, extended by a hostess to whom he or she is a stranger, is obligated to leave cards within two weeks after the entertainment. Similarly, the guests, men and women, invited to the ceremony of a church wedding, leave cards for the bride's mother within two weeks after the wedding. Even though one is a stranger to the mother, this card must be left as a matter of courtesy and social obligation. People who receive cards announcing a marriage are also expected to leave cards for the mother of the bride. A friend of the groom who is a stranger to the bride and her family, and who finds that he is unable to attend the ceremony to which he has been invited, need not pay a call, but must leave a card for the bride's mother a week or two after the wedding.
Other occasions requiring card-leaving are those inquiries regarding the health and condition of a friend; sympathy and good feeling in the event of some misfortune; condolence; congratulation; and upon announcing a prolonged absence from, or a reëntrance into, society. A change of address is also usually made known by means of card-leaving.
If one is invited to an afternoon or evening reception, and finds it impossible to attend, cards should be sent either by mail or messenger, so that they reach the hostess on the day of her entertainment. If the cards are sent by hand or by post, they should be enclosed in a card envelope, sealed, and addressed to the host and hostess—provided, of course, that both of their names appear 
DECORATIONS FOR A WEDDING IN A SMALL CHURCH
In a simple church such as the one pictured above the ribbon at the end of the pews may be omitted
If posted cards of regret are sent by a single woman, she includes one for the débutante or for the guest of honor, in addition to the one enclosed for the hostess. The married woman adds to these two, three more of her husband's. A single man, under the same circumstances, sends three of his cards if the reception is given in honor of a débutante or a guest of honor (masculine or feminine), and if the invitation was issued in the name of a host and hostess.
One may send cards of inquiry, congratulation and condolence by post or messenger, only if one is indisposed, invalided, or inconveniently situated at a great distance from the persons addressed. It is always better form to pay these calls in person, and leave the cards oneself. However, the cards of inquiry, congratulation and condolence may all be acknowledged by post or messenger, as one desires.
LEAVING CARDS OF INQUIRY
On one's card, the words "To inquire" or "May you recover rapidly" may be penciled when a call of inquiry regarding the health of a friend is made. During a long illness, calls by friends and acquaintances who have been in the habit of making social calls, should be made at least three times a week. By these "calls," you understand, we mean mere calls of inquiry when the card is left by the door and the patient is not seen personally.
Card-leaving for inquiry, condolence and congratulation is invariably made in person. Before a funeral, an engraved card with a word or two of regret penciled on the right side, may be entrusted to the servant. When husbands and wives call separately or together, they leave their own individual cards. In cases of this kind, they do not leave cards for each other. But when a married couple calls to offer sympathy for the loss of a daughter or son, two of the husband's and one of the wife's cards are left. Only one card each is left for a widow, as for a widower also. Cards left for orphaned children are meant for the oldest, who now represents the head of the family.
About two weeks after a funeral, cards are left with the mourning family, unless a special call of condolence is made. In this case, the cards are left just as though it were a social call being made. Black-bordered cards are never used except by people who are themselves in mourning. A matron may leave cards for her entire family, and a sister may fulfill the duty for a busy brother.
It is neither complimentary nor genuinely courteous to post a card to inquire after a friend or acquaintance who is ill. It should be left at the door in person, after asking news of the invalid's condition. A word of cheer or inquiry may be penciled below the caller's name, engraved on the card.
Calls of inquiry, condolence and the like are made without reference to social indebtedness, but in all other cases except among intimate friends, the convention of alternating calls should be adhered to.
ACKNOWLEDGING CARDS OF INQUIRY AND CONDOLENCE
A large, square card in plain white or with a black border, inscribed as follows, is ideal to send to those people who called to offer sympathy and condolence during a bereavement, posted two weeks after funeral:
Mrs. Robert Guy Mannering and Family
gratefully acknowledge
your kind expression of sympathy
upon the death of their
beloved
husband and father
Robert Guy Mannering.
Another acceptable form frequently used to acknowledge calls of condolence before and after a funeral, is:
The family of the late John Ray
acknowledge with sincere appreciation
your kind sympathy.
The name "John Ray" may appear on the second line by itself, or it may be part of the first line as shown above, entirely according to taste or the prevalent popular custom. The address of the bereaved family should appear towards the bottom of the card, slightly to the left. It is always better form to have it printed in italics.
Invalids, to express gratitude for the courtesies shown them by friends, write or dictate notes of thanks immediately upon becoming well again. Often a popular hostess will receive a vast number of solicitous cards and notes of inquiry during an illness, and it will be necessary for her in her still weakened state, to trust to the mails to thank the friends and acquaintances who inquired for her. She may send her ordinary visiting card, with the words, "Thank you for your kind inquiries" or others to that effect, written across it. "Thanks" should never be used instead of "Thank you." Its brevity carries a suggestion of discourtesy.
ANNOUNCEMENT CARDS
At the present time, the vogue of sending out cards announcing a death in the family, has been almost entirely discontinued in better society. Instead, an announcement is inserted in the newspapers, giving particulars about the death and also the day of the funeral. It is by far a more satisfactory method. A typical newspaper announcement follows:
Cole.—At Whitehouse, N. J., on February 23, 1921, Rose Emily, beloved wife of Robert M. Cole, succumbed to pneumonia. Services at Chapel, Albany Rural Cemetery, Saturday, February 26, at 3 P.M.
When a betrothal takes place, announcement cards are sometimes sent out, but it is not necessary to have specially engraved cards. As a rule, the mother of the happy young bride writes notes to intimate friends and acquaintances, or inscribes the news on her visiting cards and posts them to those of her friends with whom both she and her daughter are most intimate.
Weddings are usually announced by means of engraved cards. The correct form for these is given elsewhere. Engraved cards also announce the birth of a child. For this, one may have a tiny white card engraved with the baby's name, and attached to the mother's card with a narrow white satin ribbon. It is posted to all friends and acquaintances. In lieu of an address, which appears on mother's card, baby's card bears the date of the birth in the lower right-hand corner. The joint card of the father and mother may be used to announce the birth of a child, the full name of the infant being engraved in small letters above the names of its parents.
The card announcing the birth of a child is sent by mail. Immediately upon its receipt, friends and acquaintances make calls to inquire after the health of mother and child, and to leave cards for both. When one is prevented from calling—and there should always be sufficient reason for not calling—one may respond to the card of announcement by posting one's own card to the mother, with congratulations penciled above the name. Acknowledgment of some kind must be made promptly.
WHEN TRAVELING
To the man or woman who travels, those tiny bits of bristol board are important factors in keeping him or her in touch with the home social life left behind. When one arrives at a strange place, perhaps thousands of miles from a friend, and one intends to remain there for several weeks—or months—one's visiting cards posted to all friends and acquaintances, and bearing one's temporary address, ties one to home in a particularly pleasing way. Letters follow in their wake. News of social activities reach one. And one begins to feel that after all, this strange land is not so distant!
And so, if you travel, remember that as soon as you reach a place where you intend to stop for a short while, send out visiting cards to all your friends, relatives and acquaintances, and let them know your temporary address. It may be written in pencil or ink above the home address. When you change your address permanently, be sure that all your friends and acquaintances know of the change. For this purpose, the old visiting cards are the best to use; they may be sent with a line drawn through the old address, and the new written above it.
A man stopping at a hotel for a week or two, and desirous of letting his friends in the vicinity know of his whereabouts, posts his cards bearing the temporary address, to all his masculine friends, and calls and leaves his card upon the women he wishes to see. A woman stopping at a hotel or resort, posts her visiting cards, with the temporary address above her home address, to all whose attention she wishes to claim,—men and women.
P. P. C. CARDS
Pour prendre congé, it means, a French expression translated to read, "To take leave." And it is used in connection with those last-day visits before one sails for Europe, or starts on a long trip to some distant place.
The ordinary visiting card is used, with the letters P.P.C. written in pencil or ink in one corner, indicating the departure and so differentiating it from other cards. Cards so inscribed are posted to, or left with, all friends and acquaintances, a day or two before setting out on the voyage. No acknowledgment is necessary as they are courtesy-cards with no relation whatever to one's social debts and dues.
P.P.C. cards are always necessary before an extended departure, but they are particularly so when one owes calls in return for hospitality, or calls in return for first calls. If there is very little time, and a great many calls to be attended to, it is entirely correct in this case to drive from house to house, leaving the cards with the servant who opens the door. The cards may even be posted a day before the departure, if time is very much limited.
It is not usual for P.P.C. cards to be distributed at the end of the season, when members of society make their regular change of residence. As explained under the head "When Traveling," a visiting card may be sent to one's friends and acquaintances, bearing the temporary address above the permanent home address. Thus the P.P.C. card would not be especially necessary.
- ↑ There seems to be a tendency for widows to use, the first year of their mourning, cards that have borders measuring one-third of an inch in width. Certainly if one is in deep mourning, and genuinely sorrowing, a border of this width is permissible. But the one-quarter inch border, varying down to one-sixteenth of an inch, is always preferred, always in better taste.
- ↑ Chaperon being to-day a practically obsolete term, we use it here to signify the parent or guardian most directly concerned with the social welfare of the young lady.