Book of Etiquette/Volume 1/Part 2/Chapter 5

by Lillian Eichler

CHAPTER V

INVITATIONS

SOME GENERAL RULES

No matter how informal, an invitation should always be acknowledged within a week of its receipt. It should be a definite acknowledgment—either an acceptance or refusal—and no doubt should be left as to whether the writer intends to be present or not. An invitation must always be answered in kind; that is, a formal invitation requires a formal reply, following closely the wording of the invitation. The informal invitation should be cordial enough to warrant a cordial and friendly reply; both invitation and acknowledgment should be free of all stilted phrasing.

Formal invitations for evening affairs should be addressed to husband and wife, omitting neither one nor the other. (The exception to this rule is the "stag" or its feminine equivalent.) If there is only one daughter in the family, she may be included in the invitation, but when there are two or more daughters to be invited, a separate invitation addressed to The Misses Brown is essential. Invitations sent to the masculine members of a family, other than the husband, are sent individually.

Invitations sent to a husband and wife are acknowledged in the names of both. If a daughter is included, her name is also added to the acknowledgment. The wife usually answers the invitation, and although it was sent in the name of Mr. and Mrs. Blank, she sends her acknowledgment to Mrs. Blank alone.

An invitation may never be acknowledged on any kind of a visiting card, although a visiting card may be used in an invitation. For very large, formal social functions, invitations are always engraved. A young girl does not issue invitations to men in her own name, but in that of her mother or guardian. She should say in her invitations that her mother, Mrs. Blank, desires her to extend the invitation to Mrs. Brown, etc.

In replying to invitations, explicit details must be given. The day of week, date and hour should be quoted, copying from the invitation, so that any discrepancy made in the invitation will be noted and corrected by the hostess when she receives the acknowledgment. This does away with any possibility of such embarrassing blunders as calling on the wrong day or at the wrong hour.

Only the most informal invitation should be given by telephone, by word of mouth or orally by a messenger, but every invitation should be either declined courteously or accepted with enthusiasm promptly.

INVITATION TO A FORMAL DANCE

The word "dancing" is usually placed in the lower left-hand corner of the invitation to denote the object of the evening's gathering; thus no specific mention that the entertainment is to be a ball is necessary.

Following are the most approved forms of invitations used for the very formal balls:

Mr. and Mrs. James Kilgore
request the pleasure of your company
on Thursday evening, January the tenth
at nine o'clock

DancingScarsdale

or

Mr. and Mrs. James Kilgore
request the pleasure of
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
company, at a costume dance
to be given at their home
on Thursday, January the twenty-sixth
at eleven o'clock

Costume de Rigueur14 Main Street

The words, "Please reply," may be added although they should be unnecessary since every person of good breeding will reply immediately to such an invitation whether he intends to accept or refuse.

ACCEPTING THE INVITATION

When the invitation to a dance bears a request for a reply, a prompt answer should be sent. If the invitation itself is in the third person, the reply should follow the same form. For a formal ball, an acceptance or regret should be mailed within forty-eight hours after receipt of the invitation. Here are the correct forms for the invitations above:

Mr. and Mrs. John Harris
accept with pleasure
Mr. and Mrs. James Kilgore's
kind invitation to be present
for dancing
on Thursday evening, January the tenth
at nine o'clock

148 Grand Boulevard

Mr. and Mrs. John Harris
regret exceedingly that they
are unable to accept
Mr. and Mrs. James Kilgore's
kind invitation to a costume dance
to be given at their home.

Brookline.

When the acknowledgment is a regret, it is not necessary to repeat the date and hour for the obvious reason that as long as one is not going, it makes no difference whether or not the details of time are correct.

FOR THE INFORMAL DANCE

When the dance is a small and less formal affair, a short note is used, though the more punctilious social usage frowns upon the employment of visiting cards for such purposes. Following is the correct visiting card for informal dance purposes.

Mr. and Mrs. Harold Champ
at Home
Dancing at Ten432 Maple Street
April the Fifth 432 Maple Street

The acknowledgment should be hand-written on white note paper, and couched in a cordial, informal manner.

THE DINNER DANCE

The dinner dance seems to be one of society's most favored functions. For this affair it is necessary for the hostess to issue two sets of invitations; one set to the people she wishes to entertain at dinner, and one to those whom she wishes to invite for the dancing only. The dinner invitation would be the regular engraved dinner card with the words "Dancing at ten" written in the lower left-hand corner. The dance invitations would be her regular at-home cards with the words "Dancing at ten" written in the lower left-hand corner.

A very popular method of inviting people to informal dance parties—a method that has won favor among hostesses who are fond of inviting just a few young men and women in to dance and enjoy simple refreshment—is that of using the joint visiting card of herself and her husband and writing in the lower left-hand corner:

Dancing at eleven
April the fourth

This may be written in in ink—and as an invitation the card may be used to take the place of the written invitation or the formal third-person note.

THE DEBUT DANCE

An ordinary dance invitation with the calling card of the débutante included may be used for the occasion of introducing the début daughter to society. A more strictly formal form follows:

Mr. and Mrs. Charles Wendover
request the pleasure
of introducing their daughter
Emily Justine
to
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
on Tuesday, May the third
at eight o'clock

10 Merril Parkway

INVITATIONS FOR THE SUBSCRIPTION DANCE

Following is the correct invitation to use when the subscription dance is held in the drawing-room of a hotel. It should be engraved in script upon large white letter sheets:

The pleasure of
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
company is requested at the
Third Reunion
at the Richelieu Hotel
on Friday evening, April the tenth
from nine until one o'clock.
Patronesses

Mrs. JohnsonMrs. Meredith

Mrs. JohnsonMrs. MooersMrs. MeredithMrs. Thompson

Mrs. Clure

With the invitation above, "vouchers" are invariably included. These "vouchers" are for the purpose of enabling subscribers and patronesses to extend hospitalities to their friends, but also to bar the admittance of those people who were not invited. Here is the form usually used for the "voucher":

Third Reunion
Gentlemen's Voucher

Admit . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
on Friday evening, April the tenth
Compliments of . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

To do away with the necessity of the "voucher" a card like the following is used:

Third Reunion
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
The pleasure of your company is requested
on Tuesday, the tenth of June
at eight o'clock
Commumity Club

18 Forest Avenue

Please present this card at the door.

If the invitations are issued and distributed by a committee or board of directors, instead of by private subscribers, the words:

The Committee of the Third Reunion
Hilldale Club
234 Kingston Avenue

appear beneath the engraving, in the left-hand corner. The proper form is to use a letter sheet, engraving the invitation on the outer face, and listing on the second inner face, the names of the men who are giving the ball. However, it is also correct to use a large bristol board card, listing the hosts on the reverse side, or on another similar card.

ACKNOWLEDGING SUBSCRIPTION DANCE INVITATIONS

An invitation to a subscription ball, received in the name of the whole body of subscribers, requires a prompt acknowledgment of acceptance or denial to the address given on the card. But if a subscriber extends an invitation to a friend, enclosing with the invitation his or her own card, the answer is sent to this subscriber individually. It is usually a short, informal note, something like the following, and it may be addressed to the entire Committee or merely to its Chairman:

19 West Street,
April 18, 19—.

My dear Mrs. Blake:

It is with great pleasure that I accept your invitation to attend the Third Reunion of the Hilldale Club, on Friday, the tenth of April.

Sincerely yours,

Helen R. Haddock.

INVITATION TO PUBLIC BALL

Public balls that require purchased tickets have a very distinct kind of invitation. The following invitation should be printed or engraved on very large letter sheets or cards, giving, either on the second inner sheet or on the reverse of the card, the names of the patronesses.

The pleasure of your company is
requested at the
Annual Masquerade Ball
To be given at the Taft Hotel
Thursday Evening
January the fifth, at ten o'clock

Cards of admission, Three Dollars
On sale at the
Taft Hotel and homes of the Patronesses

REQUESTING AN INVITATION

When one is invited to an entertainment and finds it impossible to attend without a visiting guest or relative, an invitation may be requested. But a great deal of tact and good judgment must be exerted. A note of request follows, but in writing notes for your own particular instances, you must remember that each note has to be adapted to the occasion in hand.

27 Claremont Terrace,
May 8th, 192—.

My dear Mrs. Jolson:

Elsie Millerton, whose brother you remember was at Hot Springs last year when we were, is spending a few days with me. I wonder if I may bring her to your dance next Thursday?

Sincerely yours,

Mary B. Hall.

It is rarely necessary to refuse such a request as this; but if the ballroom is already too crowded and if the hostess has received a number of similar petitions she may with propriety send a brief note of refusal with a courteous word or two of explanation.

THE DINNER INVITATION

A dinner invitation is the highest form of courtesy. That is why it requires prompt and very courteous acknowledgment.

Ordinarily, dinner invitations are issued ten days ahead, unless it is a very large formal affair, when two full weeks are allowed. It is not good form to send an invitation just about a day or two before the day set for the dinner-party, for then the guest will be perfectly correct in feeling that the invitation was issued to her (or him) only because some other guest was unable to attend. If there are only three or four guests informal notes are usually sent, however elaborate the dinner itself is to be. Such an invitation should occupy only the first page of a sheet of note paper.

Dinner invitations may either be written on ordinary sheets of white stationery, or engraved on cards. If the latter is decided upon, it must be large, pure white, and of rather heavy bristol board. The hostess who gives many large and elaborate dinners may have cards like the following printed, leaving spaces for the insertion of the name of the person invited, the day, hour and date:

Mr. and Mrs. Jeremiah Knight
request the pleasure of
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
company at dinner
on. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .evening
at. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .o'clock

55 Court Street

The words "To meet Mr. and Mrs. John Staple" may be written in ink at the bottom of the engraved card, when the dinner is in honor of a special guest. Or small cards may be printed and enclosed with the invitations.

IN HONOR OF CELEBRATED GUESTS

Often, to introduce someone of distinguished position to the hostess' acquaintances and friends, a large and elaborate dinner is given. The cards should be engraved in a fine script or block letter, in the following wording:

To meet
Mr. and Mrs. McAllister Van Doren
Mr. and Mrs. John King
request the pleasure of
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
company at dinner
on Thursday, January the sixth
at eight o'clock

455 North Avenue.

THE ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

For the formal invitation, written in the third person, a similar acknowledgment must be sent within twenty-four hours. Following are an acceptance and a regret that may serve as suggestions for the dinner invitations that you will accept and refuse in the future:

Mr. and Mrs. Herbert Thorne
accept with pleasure
Mr. and Mrs. Jeremiah Knight's

kind invitation to dinner on
Friday, August the fifth
at eight o'clock

64 West Drive

Mr. and Mrs. Herbert Thorne
regret that a previous engagement
prevents their accepting
Mr. and Mrs. Jeremiah Knight's
kind invitation to dinner on
Friday, August the fifth

64 West Drive

It is not necessary to give complete details regarding time and hour, in the second acknowledgment—which is a regret. Inasmuch as one does not expect to attend, it is unnecessary to pay great attention to details that are important only for those who expect to be guests. In writing regrets, it is always more courteous to give the reason for being unable to accept, but it is not important to do so unless one really wishes to.

FOR THE INFORMAL DINNER

The informal dinner invitation is invariably sent by the wife for her husband and herself, to the wife, including the latter's husband. The invitation takes the form of a short, friendly little social note, and is answered as such. For instance, here is an invitation to an informal dinner, and the acknowledgment:

356 Cosgrove Avenue,
November 1, 19—

My dear Mrs. Harris:

Will you and Mr. Harris give us the pleasure of having you with us at a small dinner on Thursday, November the eighth, at seven o'clock?

Hoping that you will be disengaged that evening, I am

Yours very sincerely,

Margaret B. Leanders.

You will notice that in signing herself, the wife uses her Christian and married name, and the initial of her maiden name. She may spell her maiden name out, if she wishes, but the form given above is the most usual. Here is the correct acknowledgment to the invitation above:

654 Milton Street,
November 5, 19—

My dear Mrs. Leanders:

Mr. Harris and I will be delighted to dine with you and Mr. Leanders on Thursday, November the eighth, at seven o'clock.

With kindest regards, I am

Sincerely yours,

Mildred Travers Harris.

WHEN THE DINNER IS NOT AT HOME

It happens quite frequently that a hostess gives a dinner for her friends outside of her own home. In this case, the fact must be fully noted on the invitation. For instance:

Mr. and Mrs. Walter Bruhn
request the pleasure of
Mr. and Mrs. John Perry Blascon's
company at dinner
at Shanley's
on Wednesday, March the sixth
at eight o'clock

41 Tompkins Place

The acceptance and regret would be exactly the same as the forms given previously, except that the words "At Shanley's" would necessarily have to appear.

THE DAUGHTER AS HOSTESS

It is necessary for the daughter, who is hostess in her father's house, to include his name in every dinner invitation she issues. Following is a model informal invitation to dinner, issued by a young daughter-hostess:

My dear Mrs. Curtis:

Father has asked me to extend an invitation to you and Mr. Curtis to dine with us on Tuesday, April the fifth, at half-past seven o'clock. We are looking forward to your coming with a great deal of pleasure.

Cordially yours,

Rose Meredith.

In acknowledging this invitation, whether it be acceptance or regret, the answer must go to the daughter, not the father. It is discourteous and rude to receive a letter or an invitation from one person, and acknowledge it to another.

 

POSTPONING OR CANCELING A DINNER

When it happens (and it often does!) that something unforeseen and unexpected happens to prevent one from giving the dinner for which engraved cards have been issued, the hostess must immediately dispatch, either through messenger or special delivery, short written notes canceling the engagement. The third-person formula may be used, but there must be a certain warmth in the note to avoid any semblance of indifference. And it is a mark of fine courtesy to offer the reason why the dinner has to be postponed. Here are two forms that may be used:

Because of the severe illness of their son
Mr and Mrs. John Smith
beg to cancel their dinner, arranged for
Tuesday, May the fifth

or

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith regret that the damages done to their home by a recent fire make it necessary for them to postpone the dinner arranged for May the fifth until May the thirtieth.

INVITING A STOP-GAP

When a vacancy occurs in a dinner party at the last moment, one may call upon a friend to fill the place as a special courtesy. This is an instance when tact and discretion are important, for not everyone is broad-minded and sensible, and some people may take offense at being asked to take the place that someone else relinquished. A short cordial note should be written, explaining the situation, and frankly asking the friend to come in the place of the invited guest who cannot be present. Here, for instance, is a typical note for just such a purpose:

14 Hemingway Place,
March 14, 19—

My dear Mr. Cook:

I am going to ask a very special favor of you, and I know that you will be good enough to comply—if no other engagement stands in the way.

Ralph Townshend, who was to have been present at a little dinner party that I am giving to-morrow evening, has just written that he has been called out of town on business. Won't you be good enough to take his place and give me more reason than ever for subscribing myself

Gratefully yours,

Janet B. Raines.

In answering this letter, Mr. Cook must either accept or decline definitely. To be courteous, he must give a reason for declining. To write merely and say that one cannot serve as a stop-gap is both impolite and inconsiderate. Either a good reason or an acceptance must be given. Here is the way the acceptance may be worded:

1465 Emmet Road,
March 16, 19—

My dear Mrs. Raines:

I'm rather glad that Ralph was called out of town, since it gives me an opportunity to be present at another of your delightful dinners. Thank you very much for the invitation.

Yours very sincerely,

Ralph B. Cook.

TO BREAK A DINNER ENGAGEMENT

There is no reason to feel embarrassed and unhappy because some unexpected happening prevents you from keeping a dinner engagement. A cordial note, containing a genuine and worth-while excuse for the cancellation of the engagement may be sent by messenger, or if there is time, by special delivery post, to the hostess. Here is an example of the kind of note that may be written to break a dinner engagement:

156 South Bend,
March 18, 19—

My dear Mrs. Christy:

Mr. Cross has been called to Chicago on account of the illness of his mother. We are very anxious about her, and I am sure you will understand why it is impossible for either of us to attend your dinner party next Friday. With many regrets, I am

Sincerely yours,

Florence Bartlett Pitkin.

 

INVITATIONS FOR LUNCHEONS

Although considerably less formal than dinner invitations, those of the luncheon follow them in wording. They are issued about ten days before the day set for the luncheon, if it is to be an elaborate, formal affair, and only in the name of the hostess, unless men are invited and the hostess's husband intends to be present. They are engraved on large square white cards, with the name of the person invited, the day and hour, written in by the hostess's own hand. The correct form follows, but it must be remembered that this form can be used only when the luncheon is an elaborate, formal occasion:

Mrs. John Roy-Thorndyke Blake
requests the pleasure of
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
company at luncheon
on . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
at . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . o'clock
11 Park Row

Very often a hostess invites friends and acquaintances to a luncheon for the purpose of presenting to them a certain visiting guest, and perhaps to attend, after the luncheon, a matinée planned for the purpose of enabling the newcomer to become better acquainted with the hostess's friends. In this case, an invitation like the one following should be used:

To meet Miss Helen Rhodes
Mrs. Robert Blake
requests the pleasure of
Miss Joyce's
company at luncheon
on Tuesday, April the eleventh
at one o'clock
and afterward to the matinée

167 Grand Concourse

The name of the play and the theater may be included in the wording of the invitation.

Breakfast invitations are rarely issued, for the very good reason that formal breakfasts are very rarely given. But when they are, the wording of the invitation is identical with the wording given above for the luncheon invitations, substituting in each case the word "breakfast" for "luncheon." Acknowledgments are also the same as those used for the luncheon.

ACKNOWLEDGING THE LUNCHEON INVITATION

A prompt acceptance or regret must be sent upon receipt of an invitation to luncheon. The following two forms are correct for use with the two invitations given on the opposite page.

Mrs. Frank Parsons
accepts with pleasure
Mrs. John Clancy Blake's
kind invitation to luncheon
on Friday, October the fourteenth
at one o'clock

146 Park Place

Miss Jean Joyce
accepts with pleasure
Mrs. Blake's
kind invitation for luncheon
on Tuesday, April the eleventh
at one o'clock
to meet Miss Rhodes and to go
afterward to the matinée

48 Fremont Avenue

THE INFORMAL INVITATION

For the informal luncheon, a brief note of invitation is sent from five to seven days ahead. In making the note brief, one must be careful not to sacrifice cordiality. We give here two notes of invitation, one for luncheon and one for breakfast; and also their respective acknowledgments:

86 Washington Terrace,
April 14, 19—

My dear Mrs. Blank:

Will you come to luncheon on Wednesday, April the twentieth, at half-past one o'clock? Mrs. Frank Richards will be here, and I know you will be glad to meet her.

Cordially yours,

Helen R. Roberts.

64 Main Street,
April 16, 19—

My dear Mrs. Roberts:

I will be very glad to come to luncheon on Wednesday, April the twentieth, at half-past one o'clock. It was very kind of you to remember that I have been wanting to meet Mrs. Richards for a long time.

Yours very sincerely,

Justine Blank.

437 Fairview Terrace,
May 6, 19—

Dear Mrs. Miller:

I expect a few friends to join me at an informal breakfast at half-past eleven o'clock on Tuesday, the tenth. Won't you be one of them?

Sincerely yours,

Maybelle Curtis.

822 Jennings Street,
May 7, 19—

Dear Mrs. Curtis:

Thank you very much for asking me, but I regret that I will not be able to join you at breakfast on Tuesday. I have two young nieces stopping with me, and I promised to devote that morning to showing them the places of interest in town. They are planning so eagerly for the trip, and they are leaving here in such a short time, that I feel that I must not disappoint them.

With most sincere regrets, I am

Cordially yours,

Mary K. Miller.

There is still another approved form for inviting guests to luncheon or breakfast. When the occasion is neither too strictly formal nor too informal, the hostess may merely write, beneath the engraved name on her ordinary calling card, the words, "Luncheon at one-thirty o'clock March fourth." This is sent about five days before the chosen day. The acknowledgment must be by informal note, never by a calling card. And this holds true of all other invitations; when the personally inscribed calling card is used, a first-person note of acceptance or regret must be promptly written. The use of cards in this way is looked upon with disfavor among people who are most careful of the amenities of polite society.

RECEPTION INVITATIONS

The word "reception" may mean several social functions which may or may not be extremely ceremonious. There is the afternoon tea, for instance, an informal little affair to which one invites one's best friends and most interesting acquaintances. The invitation may be either written by the hostess or engraved. The at-home day is also called a reception, as is the more elaborate occasion when a special guest is introduced to the hostess' friends.

There was a time when it was considered extremely bad form for the host's name to appear on the invitation, but to-day the reception invitation often takes the form of the following:

Mr. and Mrs. Harold Blaine
At Home
Tuesday afternoon, May fifth
from four until half-past seven o'clock
Twelve, Park Terrace

The above invitation should be engraved in fine script on a large white card of bristol board, and it should be mailed at least ten days in advance of the day set for the entertainment. An acknowledgment is not expected; if the invitation is accepted, the presence of the guest on the day of the reception is sufficient. If one is unable to be present, one's visiting card is sent to arrive on the exact day of the reception—unless an answer is explicitly required on the invitation. Not to be present at the reception, and not to send one's visiting card, is to indicate either that one is ignorant of the correct social laws, or that one desires to discontinue friendship with the hostess.

When a mother and her daughters are to receive the guests at a reception together, the card is in this form:

Mrs. William B. Harris
The Misses Harris
At Home
Friday Afternoon, October fifth
from four until seven o'clock
Thirty-two Amsterdam Avenue

If the reception is for the purpose of introducing a young débutante daughter, the hostess would issue cards similar to the one above, except that the débutante's name would appear immediately below her own. It would be merely "Miss Harris" with no Christian name or initial. If a second daughter is introduced to her mother's friends by means of an afternoon tea, the cards are also like the one above, except that the name of the second daughter is inscribed in full beneath that of the hostess. Thus invited guests would know that "Miss Harris" is the elder and introduced to society first, and "Miss Meriam Harris" is the second daughter to be introduced to society.

RECEPTION IN HONOR OF A SPECIAL GUEST

When the purpose of the reception is to honor a special guest the fact should be indicated on the invitations. If the invitation is written on a card, the words, "To meet Governor and Mrs. Frank Curtis should appear." The proper form for the engraved invitation follows:

To Meet
Governor and Mrs. Frank Curtis
Mr. and Mrs. James Melvin
request the pleasure of your
company
on Thursday afternoon, June fifth
from four until seven o'clock
Eighteen, Washington Garden Heights

No acknowledgment other than one's presence on the day of the reception is necessary to this invitation. However, if one is unable to attend, the visiting card should be mailed so that it arrives on the precise day of the entertainment, or if an unexpected happening prevents one from attending, a messenger may be dispatched with a card in an envelope, forwarding it to the hostess while the reception is in progress.

INVITATIONS TO GARDEN PARTIES

When the garden party is very formal, the invitations are engraved in black script or block lettering, on white note sheets or large white cards. The invitation is usually issued in the name of the hostess alone, and the most fashionable stationers are to-day printing cards that leave a blank space for the name of the person to be invited to be written in by the hostess. For instance:

Mrs. Maurice Bronson
requests the pleasure of
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
company on Friday afternoon
May tenth
from four until seven o'clock
Garden PartyHolyoke, West Lake

In society, the formal garden party holds the place of an at-home held out of doors. Thus the following invitation is considered the best form, better even than the form shown above, although either may be used in good taste:

Mrs. Maurice Bronson
At Home
Friday afternoon, May tenth
from four until seven o'clock
Garden PartyHolyoke, West Lake

When the garden party is a small informal affair, the at-home card may be used with the words, "Garden Party, Friday, May the tenth, from four to seven o’clock," written by the hostess in the lower left-hand corner. This method is usually for personal friends only, and it is considered bad form when the garden party is elaborate and formal.

If the guest invited lives in another town, or must come from the city to the country, a small card bearing the necessary train and schedule information should be enclosed with the invitation, similar to the card explained in the chapter on wedding invitations. Or the information may be lettered neatly at the bottom of the invitation itself. The form is usually:

Train leaves Pennsyloania Station at 3 o'clock
Train leaves Holyoke Station at 6.20 and 7.10 o'clock

Still another course is open to the hostess who wishes to give a small garden party, yet not undergo the expense and trouble of specially engraved invitations. She may write brief, friendly notes, in the first person, somewhat in the following form, and send them by post to her friends and acquaintances:

Holyoke,
May 1, 19—

My dear Mrs. Keene:

I have asked a few of my friends to have tea with me, informally, on the lawn, Friday afternoon, May the tenth, at four o'clock. May I expect you also? Perhaps there will be a few sets of tennis. There is a racquet waiting for you.

Cordially yours,

Rose M. Roberts.

ACKNOWLEDGING THE GARDEN PARTY INVITATION

Whether the garden party invitation bears a request for a reply or not, the courteous thing to do is send an acceptance or regret at once. This is especially true when the invitation is engraved, for then one may assume that the affair is to be a large and elaborate one. The reply to an engraved invitation follows:

Mr. and Mrs. Raymond Bruce
accept with pleasure
Mrs. Bronson's kind invitation
for May tenth

Haywood Park,
May second, 19—

or

Mr. and Mrs. Raymond Bruce
regret that a previous engagement
prevents their acceptance
of Mrs. Bronson's kind invitation
for May tenth

Haywood Park,
May second, 19—

In reply to a visiting card inscribed with the day and date of the garden party, a brief, polite note of acceptance or regret should be written. A similar note should be promptly written upon receipt of the informal written note of invitation.

Glendale,
May 2, 19—

My dear Mrs. Bronson:

Mr. Harris and I are looking forward with great pleasure in joining you on May tenth. We hope the weather will continue to be as delightful as it is now.

Cordially yours,

Janet B. Winslow.

 

HOUSE OR WEEK-END PARTIES

The invitation for a house- or week-end party differs from any other invitation. By the week-end party we mean a visit from Friday or Saturday until Monday. Thus the invited guest knows that he is expected to arrive Friday afternoon (or Saturday morning) and leave Monday morning. On the other hand, the house party may mean a visit of ten days or two weeks duration, or even longer. It is necessary, therefore, for the hostess to mention specifically the dates deciding the length of the visit. It is also courteous for her to mention the sports that will be indulged in and any special events planned, etc., and to send the necessary time-tables, indicating the best and most convenient trains.

Whether for house-party or week-end party, the invitation is always a well-worded, cordial note offering the hospitalities of one's roof for the length of time indicated. We will give here one letter of invitation, and its acknowledgment, which can be, perhaps, adapted to your own purposes.

Pine Rock,
June 14, 19—

Dear Miss Janis:

We have planned a house party as a sort of farewell before our trip to Europe, and we are particularly anxious to have you join us. I hope there is nothing to prevent you from coming out to Pine Rock on June twenty-third and remaining here with us until the eighth of July.

I hope to have many of your own friends with us, including Jean and Marie Cordine, who are also planning to sail towards the end of July. Mr. Frank Parsons and Mr. and Mrs. Robert Kingsley may be here, too, along with several others whom you do not know, but whom I am most anxious to have you meet.

I am enclosing a time-table for your convenience, and I have checked the two trains that I believe are most convenient for you. If you take the 3.58 on Tuesday you will arrive here at 7.10, and you will be able to meet the guests at dinner at eight-thirty. There is an earlier train om the morning if you prefer it. If you let me know which train you expect to take, I will see that there is a car at the station to meet you.

Very cordially yours,

Alice M. Bevans.

Westville,
June 16, 19—

Dear Mrs. Bevans:

It was very good of you and Mr. Bevans to ask me to your house party and I shall be delighted to come. I shall arrive on the 3.58 train, as you suggest. It was so thoughtful of you to inclose the time-table.

Very sincerely yours,

Helen R. Janis.

If the letter were one of regret, it would be necessary for Miss Janis to write definitely just what was making it impossible for her to accept the invitation. It would not be correct form to write vaguely, saying that "you hope you will be able to come," or that "if you are in town you will come." No doubt must be left in the hostess's mind as to whether or not you will be present.

THE "BREAD-AND-BUTTER" LETTER

From constant usage, the term "bread-and-butter" letter has become custom. Now, upon return from a week-end or house party, it is considered necessary and, indeed, it would be gross neglect to fail in so obvious a duty, to write a cordial note to the hostess, expressing appreciation of the hospitality received, and informing her of your safe arrival.

The letter may be as long and chatty as one pleases, or it may be only a brief note such as the following:

Terrace Revain,
June 23, 19—

Dear Mrs. Bevans:

This is to tell you again how very much I enjoyed the week-end at Pine Rock. We got into the city at five and Morgan brought me out home in a taxi. Mother is giving a small bridge this afternoon and so I found everyone busy, for while there is not a great deal to do it is impossible to get anyone to help do it.

Tell Mr. Bevans that I am arranging for three or four tennis games next week, so that when I come again, if I don't win, I shall at least not be beaten quite so shamefully.

Let me know when you come to town on your next shopping trip. Perhaps we can arrange for lunch together somewhere.

Very sincerely yours,

Helen R. Janis.

 

INVITATIONS TO THE THEATER AND OPERA

The host or hostess planning a theater or opera party should strive to have an equal number of men and women guests. For this reason, the person who receives an invitation should make prompt reply, so that if he or she is unable to attend, someone else can be asked to take the place. It is not necessary to have invitations engraved for these occasions; in fact, a brief note, written with just the correct degree of formality, yet with no sacrifice of cordiality, is much to be preferred. The following form is correct for theater or opera, changed to accord with the names, dates, and circumstances of the particular party:

22 South Street,
October 13, 19—

My dear Miss Johnson:

Mr. Roberts and I have planned to have a small group of friends hear "Faust" at the Central Opera House, and we are hoping that you will be one of us. The time is Friday evening, the seventeenth of October. I have been fortunate enough to obtain a box in the parquet, where the eight of us who will comprise the party will be comfortably seated.

If you are free to join us on that evening, Mr. Roberts and I will stop for you in the car at half past seven.

Cordially yours,

Evelyn T. Roberts.

The acknowledgment must be made promptly. The host and hostess must not be kept waiting for a definite reply.

INVITATIONS TO MUSICALES AND PRIVATE THEATRICALS

A ceremonious drawing-room concert requires engraved invitations, issued at least two weeks in advance of the date decided upon. The two approved forms follow:

Mrs. John M. Cook
At Home
Tuesday evening, October first
at nine o'clock
Ten, Farnhut Terrace
Music

or

Mr. and Mrs. John M. Cook
request the pleasure of
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .'s
company at a musicale
on Tuesday evening, the first of October
at nine o'clock
Ten, Farnhut Terrace

It is also permissible for the hostess to write in the lower left-hand corner of her visiting-card the following words, when she wishes to invite friends to hear a famous soloist or orchestra: "Tuesday, October first, half past three o'clock, to hear Mischa Elman." These cards are then posted to friends and acquaintances, and the recipient either accepts by attending, or sends his or her cards to the hostess's house while the entertainment is in progress, or shortly beforehand.

For private theatricals, invitations follow very much the same form as those used for musicales. The hostess may either add the phrase, "Theatricals at nine o'clock," to her invitation, or she may issue engraved cards requesting the pleasure of a friend's company at Private Theatricals. The word "dancing" may be engraved in the left-hand corner of the card, if dancing is to follow the theatricals. It is courteous to send a reply to these invitations.

CHILDREN'S PARTY INVITATIONS

The invitation to the child's party is the one exception to the rule of simplicity. Children love color and decoration, and so etiquette very graciously permits them to have cards and invitations that boast colorful designs. For instance, in a well-known stationer's shop in New York, there are little sheets of pink note paper, in the upper corner of which is a little girl courtesying and smiling. Beneath the picture the words "Won't you please come to my party?" are printed in fine italics. It makes most attractive stationery for the youngsters.

On stationery like that described above, mother might write in the following strain, providing the little host (or hostess) is not old enough to do the writing himself:

16 Blake Hall,
June 14, 19—

My dear Mrs. Blank:

Harold will be seven years old on Thursday, the eighteenth of June. We are planning to give a little party for his friends on the Sunday fol- lowing, June the twenty-first. I know he will not be happy unless little Marian is present. I do hope you will let her come.

If the nurse brings Marian here at three o'clock, she will be in time for the opening game, and I will see that she arrives home safely at about half past six.

Cordially yours,

Helen M. Roberts.

A friendly note of acceptance or regret should be written promptly upon receipt of the above, and if the child is unable to attend, the reason should be given.

Very often, a young host or hostess has a very large and formal party, in which case the invitations must be quite as dignified and formally correct as mother's. For instance, the youngsters who entertain their friends at a small afternoon dance word their invitations in the following manner:

Miss Jean and Master Walter Curran
would like to have the pleasure
of
Miss Helen Thompson's company
at a dance at 8 o'clock
Thursday afternoon, November third

Clover Hall

A young boy or girl just old enough to write his or her own invitations, may find some useful suggestions in the following model for a birthday party:

Hanover Court,
October 6, 19—

Dear Elizabeth:

I am going to have a birthday party on Saturday afternoon, the thirteenth of October, at 3 o'clock. All of our friends from dancing school and a good many of Jack's friends from his school will be here. We are planning a donkey game, and I am sure we will all have a great deal of fun. Won't you come, too? I shall be very disappointed if you cannot.

Sincerely yours,

Helen Camden.

It is always wise, however, for the children to make some sort of acknowledgment of the formal engraved invitation, for it impresses upon them the importance of their social duties.

INVITATIONS TO A CHRISTENING

It is not usual for many guests to be invited to the christening of a child. But when it is made an occasion of formal entertainment, it is necessary to have engraved cards prepared and issued to friends and relatives. Here is the correct form:

Mr. and Mrs. John B. Meredith
request the pleasure of your company
at the christening of their son
on Tuesday, April second
at three-thirty o'clock
Ten, Jerome Avenue

The letter requesting a relative or friend to serve as godfather or godmother must be tactful and well-worded. It is usually very intimate, for no one with fine sensibility will ask any except a dear friend to act as godmother or godfather. Such a request is much better given in person than by letter, whenever it is possible. And it requires an answer in kind. We give here one brief letter of request, and another of acknowledgment, to serve as suggestions:

84, Kinston Road,
March 5, 19—

Dear Mr. Burke:

Jack and I have both agreed that we would rather have you serve as godfather for John Paxton, Jr., than anyone else. We hope that you will not refuse.

The baptism has already been arranged for four o'clock, next Sunday, at St. Peter's Church. We hope you will be present at the church, and later at a small reception here in our drawing-room.

With kindest regards from us both, I am

Cordially yours,

Amelia B. Johnson.

18 Woodlawn Hills,
March 7, 19—

Dear Mrs. Johnson:

It will give me great pleasure to be godfather for your son. Truly, I count it no small honor, and no slight responsibility. I am very eager to see young John Paxton, and shall be present both at the christening and at the reception.

With every good wish for him and for his father and mother, I am

Sincerely yours,

William A. Burke.

A WORD OF SPECIAL CAUTION

In answering an invitation never say "will accept." The act of writing the answer involves either the acceptance or the regret, as the case may be, and the present tense should be used.