Buxom dame of Reading, or, The cuckold's cap (1)/The Buxom Dame of Reading

by Robert Burns (1759-1796)

The BUXOM DAME of READING.

NEAR Reading there lived a buxom dame,
⁠The wife of a cobler, Joan was, her name,
She had a fine hen of a delicate fize,
The like you never beheld with your eyes.

⁠She had a red head, grey wings, yellow legs,
Each Summer she laid a bushel of eggs;
And Joan last Summer would set her indeed,
For she was resolv’d to have more of her breed.

⁠And as she was setting her upon a day,
A shepherd came to her, and thus he did say;
Oh! what are you doing! she answer’d him then,
I’m going to set a miraculous hen.

⁠Why, then says the shepherd, to keep the eggs warm,
And that they may prosper and come to no harm;
You must set the eggs in a large cuckold’s cap,
And then all the chickens will come to good hap.

⁠I have ne’er a cuckold’s cap, shepherd, says she,
Dot nevertheless I will be ruled by thee,
Tor this very moment I’ll trudge up and down,
And borrow one, if there be one in the town.

⁠She went to her neighbour, and thus she did say,
Come lend me thy cuckold’s cap, neighbour I pray,
I am going to set a miraculous hen,
And when I’ve done with it, I'll bring it again.

⁠The neighbour’s wife answer’d, and thus reply’d,
Had I such a thing you should not be deny’d;
Years fourteen or fifteen I have been a wife,
And my husband had ne’er such a thing in his life.

⁠But go to my cousin that lives at the mill,
She had one I know, and may have it still;
Till her I sent you, she’ll lend it I know;
I thank you, said Joan, and away she did go.

⁠Then straight to the house of the miller she went,
And told her that she by her cousin was sent,
To borrow a thing that was absolute rare,
A large cuckold’s cap which her husband did wear.

⁠I do not deny but such things there may be,
Eut why should my cousin direct you to me!
These nineteen or twenty years I have been wed,
⟨And⟩ my husband had ne’er such a cap on his head.

⁠But go to the Quaker that lives at the Swan,
If I am not mistaken, I think she has one,
And tell her, she’ll lend it I know for my sake,
And I for the same a great favour will take.

⁠So she went to the house of old Yea and Nay,
And spoke to his wife that was youthful and gay;
Saying, I come for to borrow, if you will but lend
A large cuckold’s cap, I was sent by a friend.

⁠The Quaker's wife nodded, and said with a frown,
I han’t such a thing if thou’d give me a crown;
Besides, I’d not lend it, suppose that I had,
For fear it should make my poor husband run mad.

⁠In town there are many young women, perhaps
Are cunning and artful in making such caps;
But what are their nature, I cannot well say,
Therefore escuse me friend Joan, I thee pray.

⁠Now Joan being tired, and weary withal,
Says she, I have no good fortune at all;
It is the beginning, I think of all sorrow,
To trudge up and down, and of neighbours to borrow.

⁠A poor cuckold's cap, I would borrow indeed,
A thing of small value, but yet could not speed;
But as I’m a woman, adzooks, cries young Joan,
Before it be long, I’ll have one of my own.