Cutter of Coleman-street/Act 1 Scene 4

by Abraham Cowley

Scene 4.

Colonel Jolly, Will (his Man.)
Col. Jolly in an Indian Gown and Night-cap. 
Joll.Give me the Pills; what said the Doctor, Will?

Will.He said a great deal, Sir, but I was not Doctor enough to understand half of it.

Joll.A man may drink, he says, for all these Bawbles?

Will.He's ill advised if he give your Worship drinking Pills, for when you were drinking last together, a Fit took you to beat the Doctor, which your Worship told him was a new Disease.

Joll.He was drunk then himself first, and spoke False Latin, which becomes a Doctor worse than a beating. But he does not remember that, I hope, now?

Will.I think he does, Sir, for he says the Pills
Are to purge Black Choler!

Joll.I, Melancholy; I shall ha' need of them then, for my old Purger of Melancholy, Canary, will grow too dear for me shortly; my own Estate was sold for being with the King at Oxford. A Curse upon an old Dunce that needs must be going to Oxford at my years! My good Neighbor, I thank him, Collonel Fear-the-Lord-Barebottle, a Saint and a Sope-boyler, bought it; But he's dead, and boiling now himself, that's the best of't; There's a Cavalier's comfort! If his damnable Wife now would marry me, it would return again, as I hope all things will at last; and even that too were as hard a Composition for ones own, as ever was made at Habberdashers-Hall; but hang her, she'l ha' none o' me, unless I were True Rich and Counterfeit Godly; let her go to her husband; (so much for that——— It does not go down [takes a Pill. so glib as an Egg in Muskadine) Now when my Nieces Portion too goes out o' my hands, which I can keep but till a handsome Wench of eighteen pleases to marry (a pitiful slender Tenure that's the truth on't) I ha' nothing to do but to live by Plots for the King, or at least to be hang'd by 'em. (So, go thou too) well, something must be [takes the two other Pills. done, unless a man could get true Gems by drinking, or like a Mouse in a Cheese, make himself a house by eating.
Will, did you send for Colonel Cutter and Captain Worm, to come and keep me company this morning that I take Physick? They'l be loth to come to day, there's so little hope o' drinking here.

Will.They said they would be here, Sir, before this time;
Some Morning's draught, I believe, has intercepted 'em.

Joll.I could Repent now heartily, but that 'twould look as if I were compell'd to't, and besides if it should draw me to Amendment, 'twould undo me now, till I ha' gotten something. 'Tis a hard case to wrong my pretty Niece; but unless I get this wicked Widow, I and my daughter must starve else; and that's harder yet; Necessity is, as I take it, Fatality, and that will excuse all things, O! Here they are!