Cutter of Coleman-street/Act 5 Scene 13

by Abraham Cowley

Scene 13.

Enter Aurelia.

Aur.Here, Sir, I was just coming in.

Joll.Ha' not you married young Mr. Truman?

Aur.No, Sir.

Joll.Why, who then has he marri'd?

Aur.Nay that, Sir, he may answer for himself,
If he be of age to marry.

Joll.But did not you promise me you'd marry him this afternoon, and go to Church with him presently to do't?

Aur.But, Sir, my Husband forbad the Banes.

Joll.They're all mad; your Husband?

Aur.I Sir, the truth o' the matter, Sir, is this, (for it must out I see) 'twas I that was married this afternoon in the Matted Chamber to Mr. Puny, instead o' my Cousin Lucia.

Joll.Stranger and stranger! what, and he not know't?

Aur.No, nor the Parson, Sir, himself.

Joll.Hey day!

Aur.'Twas done in the dark, Sir, and I veil'd like my Cousin; 'twas a very clandestine marriage, I confess, but there are sufficient proofs of it; and for one, here's half the Piece of Gold he broke with me, which he'l know when he sees.

Pun.O rare, by Hymen I'm glad o'the change; 'tis a pretty Sorceress by my troath; Wit to Wit quoth the Devil to the Lawyer; I'l out amongst 'em presently, 't has sav'd me a beating too, which perhaps is all her Portion.

Joll.You turn my Head, you dizzie me; but wouldst thou marrie him without either knowing my mind, or so much as his?

Aur.His, Sir? he gave me five hundred pieces in Gold to make the Match; look, they are here still, Sir.

Joll.Thou hast lost thy senses, Wench, and wilt make me do so too.

Aur.Briefly the truth is this, Sir, he gave me these five hundred Pieces to marry him by a Trick to my Cousin Lucia, and by another Trick I took the money and married him my self; the manner, Sir, you shall know anon at leisure, onely your pardon, Sir, for the omission of my duty to you, I beg upon my knees.

Joll.Nay, Wench, there's no hurt done, fifteen hundred pounds a year is no ill match for the daughter of a Sequestred Cavalier———

Aur.I thought so, Sir.

Joll.If we could but cure him of some sottish affectations, but that must be thy task.

Aur.My life on't, Sir.

Pun.I'l out; Uncle Father your Blessing——— my little Matchivil, I knew well enough 'twas you; what did you think I knew not Cross from Pile?

Aur.Did you i'faith?

Pun.I by this kiss of Amber-grees, or I'm a Cabbage.

Aur.Why then you out-witted me, and I'm content.

Pun.A pox upon you Merchant Jolly, are you there?

Joll.But stay, how come you, Niece, to be marri'd to Mr. Truman?

Luc.I know not, Sir, as I was walking in the Garden.

Trum. j.I thought 'thad been——— but blest be the mistake,
What ever prove the Consequence to all
The less important fortunes of my life.

Joll.Nay, there's no hurt done here neither—

Trum. s.No hurt, Colonel? I'l see him hang'd at my door before he shall have a beggarly———

[Talk aside.Joll.Hark you, Mr. Truman, one word aside
(for it is not necessary yet my wife should know so much.)

Aur.This foolish Jane (as I perceive by the story) has lost a Husband by staying for a Black patch.

Joll.Though I in rigour by my brothers Will might claim the forfeiture of her Estate, yet I assure you she shall have it all to the utmost farthing; in a day like this, when Heaven bestows on me and on my daughter so unexpected and so fair a fortune, it were an ill return to rob an Orphan committed to my Charge.

AurMy father's in the right.
And as he clears her Fortune, so will I
Her Honor. Hark you, Sir.

Trum. s.Why you speak, Sir, like a Vertuous Noble Gentleman, and do just as I should do my self in the same case; it is———

[to Trum. Jun.Aur.'Twas I upon my credit in a Veil;
I'l tell, if you please, all that you said, when you had read the Letter. But d' you hear, Mr. Truman, do not you believe now that I had a design to lie with you (if you had consented to my coming at mid-night) for upon my faith I had not, bud did it purely to try upon what terms your two Romantique Loves stood.

Cut.Ha, ha, ha! but your Farce was not right me-thinks at the end.

Pun.Why how, pray?

Cut.Why there should ha' been a Beating, a lusty Cudgeling to make it come off smartly with a twang at the tail.

Wor.Say you so? h'as got a set of damnable brawny Servingmen.

Cut.At least John Pudding here should ha' been basted.

Wor.A curse upon him, he sav'd himself like a Rat behind the Hangings.

Trum. j.O Lucia, how shall I beg thy pardon
For my unjust suspitions of thy Virtue?
Can you forgive a very Repentant sinner?
Will a whole life of Penitence absolve me?

Trum. s.'Tis enough, good noble Colonel, I'm satisfi'd; Come, Dick, I see 'twas Heavens will, and she's a very worthy virtuous Gentlewoman; I'm old and testy, but 'tis quickly over; my blessing upon you both.

Cut.Why so, all's well of all sides then; let me see, here's a brave Coupling day, onely poor Worm must lead a Monkish life of 't.

[aside.Aur:I'l have a Wife for him too, if you will, fine Mrs. Jane within; I'le undertake for her, I ha' set her a gog to day for a husband, the first comer has her sure.

Wor.I, but what Portion has she, Mrs. Puny? for we Captains o' the King's side ha' no need o' Wives with nothing.

Aur.Why Lozenges, and Half-moons, and a pair of Silver-lac'd Shoes; but that Tropes lost to you; well, we'l see among us what may be done for her.

Joll.Come, let's go in to Supper; there never was such a day of Intrigues as this in one Family. If my true Brother had come in at last too after his being five years dead, 'twould ha' been a very Play.
[Exeunt. 

 

FINIS.

 

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