450
THE GREEN BAG
THE LIGHTER SIDE Music Hath Harms. — The case of a Polander for naturalization was being heard in our District Court, and on examination, as clerk, I asked the applicant as to whether he was affiliated with any secret organization which had for its principles the overthrow of the government, the killing of its officers, etc., trying to explain to him the requirement of the late section of the statute, which was en acted to refuse anarchists naturalization. The applicant answered, "No, except that I am a member of the Thorndike brass band." A Carrying Voice. — A New York lawyer was famed for a stentorian voice. Once his clerk asked to adjourn a motion in New York on account of Mr. H 's engagement in Brooklyn. "Let him speak," said Judge B- •. "I can hear him here." Leaning on Liens. — In a mechanic's lien case, Mr. Kneeland often referred to his own book on the subject. During recess, Counsel lor Malcolm Campbell wrote on the table paper: "O Kneeland, dear Kneeland, pray what do you mean By such a fat book on the subject of lien? Was it for glory, or was it for pelf, Or just for the pleasure of quoting yourself?" Hairs at Law. — In an excise case in Brook lyn, one of the witnesses for the state said that on a second visit to a "hotel" on Sunday, the same sandwich was served that he had be fore. He recognized it by a hair. "Oh!" said Judge Dickey, "it was old enough to have whiskers, was it?" Dog Latin. — (Plaintiff's Atty. addressing Jury.) . . . " Falsis in uttum, falsis in omni bus." (Court, interrupting.) "Una, Mr. B ." (Plaintiff's Atty.) " I do know, your Honor, and this man will know before I am ended." Circumstantial Evidence. — (Atty. in bank en deavoring to cash check.) "You say you do not know me: here are letters, here is my
name in my hat and upon my linen, and also my initials upon my cigar case. I have already given you enough evidence to hang me." (Cashier of Bank.) "But, my dear sir, we are not hanging people, we are paying out money." Phonetic Spelling. — This note was received by an Illinois lawyer, whose membership in the state legislature kept him away from his office: "I have ben hear to sea you ate times an cant find you hear never. "I will give me case to some other liar if you dont sea me this weak." Obiter Dictum. — Jones, an old theatrical manager, was sued before a justice of the peace, some twenty miles from his home, in a certain New Jersey town. This magistrate had the reputation of being a "plaintiff's jus tice." Jones and his lawyer proceeded to the justice's office on the day and hour for trial, having, as they thought, a good defense. The case wns about to be tried, when sud denly another theatrical man, an old friend of Jones, whom he had not seen in many years, and who happened to be in the court room, rushed across the room, grasped Jones warmly by the hand, and shouted, "Hello, Jones, old boy! haven't seen you in ten years. What are you doing here? Got a show here?" Before Jones could make reply, the justice (with seriousness) retorted, "No, he's got no show here." One Legal Pet. — Patrick was a pigeon fan cier, and had been brought before the police magistrate charged with violation of a city ordi nance against keeping live poultry within cer tain limits. Defendantwaswithout counsel, and the evidence showed clearly that his feathered pets spent much time around the windowsills of an adjoining factory owned by com plaining witness. It also developed that Pat rick had other pets; and with the idea of show ing he had too many, the city attorney said, "Now, Pat, how many pigeons do you keep?" "About sixty, all told," replied Pat. "Any dogs." " Yis, sor;two. " "Anycats?" "An
