THE LIGHTER SIDE auld wan, an' foive kittens, " said Pat. ' ' What else — any chickens? " " Oi have — tin hins an' wan rooster. " "You seem well supplied," remarked the city attorney. "Have you any other pets?" "Oi have, sor," answered Pat; "a pet pony, a pet canary, and over there sets me pet woman." Jury of His Peers. — A North Carolina law yer was trying a case before a jury, being counsel for the prisoner, a man charged with making "mountain dew." The judge was very hard on him, and the jury brought in a verdict of guilty. The lawyer moved for a new trial. The judge denied the motion, and remarked, "The court and the jury think the prisoner a knave and a fool." After a moment's silence the lawyer answered, "The prisoner wishes me to say that he is satisfied; he has been tried by a court and a jury of his peers." A Constructive Recess. — A Missouri justice of the peace has devised a plan whereby judges may resent insult in an approved manner, and at the same time invoke the majesty of the law to defeat retaliation. "Judge" Green had laid aside the shoemaker's awl and was en gaged in the trial of a civil suit that involved $3.25 and costs. In the course of argument, Marks, counsel for the defendant, made a statement reflecting upon the court's know ledge of the law. Whereupon the court, rapp ing upon the side of his bench and gazing fear lessly into the eyes of defendant's counsel, said, "We will now take a brief recess. Marks, you are a d d liar." Marks' lips parted with a show of resentment, but before he could proceed, the court rapped for order with the injunction, "Shut up, Marks! Court is now in session." A Mitigated Fine. — A Western justice of the peace, noted for his unwillingness to listen to argument, was recently engaged in the trial of a case of assault and battery, in which the defendant was an attorney. When the testi mony was concluded, the state not being repre sented, the defendant slowly arose to make a speech, and before he was fairly on his feet the justice said, "I will fine you five dollars." "Why," said the attorney, " I wanted to argue this case before you decided it." "No need
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of argument," said the justice: "it is a very plain case, and I cannot avoid fining you." "Yes," said the attorney, "but I wanted to be heard in mitigation." "O Helena!" said the justice, "under the statute I could fine you as much as fifty dollars, but I have mitigated the fine down to five dollars, and that is mitigation enough." His Law was Outlawed. — Judge Geo. G. Barnard, who quickly decided matters coming before him, once said to a young practitioner who closed his remarks thus, "Why, your Honor, that has been the rule ever since the stars first sang together." "Counsellor, it will cost you ten dollars for being at that concert. I deny your motion." Vocation or Avocation. — A leading Boston lawyer asked the witness, a young man of dis solute habits, whether he was not in the habit of loafing around bar-rooms and billiard-rooms. The witness pertly answered, "That is my business." "Yes, I know," the lawyer re sponded; "but is it your only business?" Playing to the Gallery. — Lawyer Brown had a case involving land boundaries. The question was one of accretions to land; and Brown, to make perfectly clear his contentions, drew maps showing the situation. The judge hearing the case said, "But, Mr. Brown, I don't quite understand what you mean." "Your Honor," replied Mr. Brown, "I did not suppose you would. I was just doing this for the benefit of the bystanders." The Blessed Gift of Tears. — A lawyer, plead ing the case of an infant plaintiff, took the child, suffused with tears, in his arms, and presented it to the jury. This had a great effect until the lawyer of the opposite side asked what made him cry. "He pinched me," answered the little in nocent. — The Laiv Register. To Force a Fit. — The prosecuting attorney's office is a very busy place, but it is not nearly such a hive of industry as it would be if all the grievances brought to Mr. Mackintosh were allowed to ripen into law suits, says the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. "Is this the prosecuting attorney? " It was
