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THE GREEN BAG
Fortunate. — A notorious mountain moon shiner, familiarly known as " Wild Bill," was recently tried before a Federal court in Georgia, and was adjudged guilty. Before pronouncing sentence the judge lectured the prisoner on his long criminal record, and at last, informing him that the court entertained no feeling of anger toward him, but felt only unmixt pity, sentenced him to spend six years in the Federal prison at Atlanta. Bill stolidly shifted the quid of tobacco in his mouth, and turned to leave the court room with the marshal. Once outside, the only thing he said was this: "Well, I suah am glad he wa'n't mad at me!" — Cleveland Leader. His Informal Way. — The following anec dote, after remaining in storage many years, has been recently dusted and brought to light. A young and afterward distinguished attor ney from an up-country district of New York state was arguing his first appeal in the old general term of supreme court. He had been in many legal scrimmages in justices' courts at home, but had never stood in the awesome presence of five sedate and learned judges of the supreme court, in general term assembled. His embarrassment was great. He repeated himself and misplaced his words so often that it was quite evident that he must soon be routed by his own confusion unless something should occur to break the spell. Finally, and just as he was floundering the deepest in a chaotic jumble of language and ideas, the presiding judge interrupted with the follow ing remark: "Mr. Smithers, I believe it will be a great relief to yourself and to the court if you will address us in the same free and informal way that you doubtless use in addressing your local justice of the peace." "Well, then," replied Smithers, " I wish that while I am busy alleviating your honor's dense ignorance of the law you would keep your d—d mouth shut! " The court laughed heartily and waved for him to proceed. He grew eloquent, and won his case in the midst of hearty applause. — Bohemian. More Hubbard Stories. — The late Judge Hubbard of Iowa was known in his age and generation for telling the most cutting things in court and out of court. The following was
told in the heat of a law suit against an old client, for which the judge had no use. The witness had been on the stand in cross-exami nation all day, when the judge adjourned court for a few minutes. The witness pulled out a red bandana to wipe his brow, when Judge Hubbard piped out in a shrill voice, saying: " It makes you sweat to tell the truth, John, don't it? " This cutting remark was never forgiven or forgotten by the aged banker, John Ware. Another time a very talkative lawyer, who was getting the worst of it in the law suit with the judge, stated: "I was once judge in the state of Nebraska, and ought to know something about the law." The judge replied: " Well, you mean you kept the seat of the judge warm while he had gone for dinner, don't you?" At another time the judge opposed an ex-governor of the state in a fierce law-suit, where the ex-governor received no mercy at the hands of this old man, and finally to remind the judge he said: "You have evidently forgotten that I ap pointed you judge while governor of this state." The judge replied in a sarcastic tone saying: " Yes, I am aware of that, and it is the only decent thing you did while you were governor." Professional Ethics. — " You'll have to send for another doctor," said the one who had been called, after a glance at the patient. "Am I so sick as that? " gasped the sufferer. "I don't know just how sick you are," re plied the man of medicine,." but I know you're the lawyer who cross-examined me when I ap peared as an expert witness. My conscience won't let me kill you, and I'll be hanged if I want to cure you. Good-day." —• Phila delphia Ledger. Explained. — " You state in one place that you were born in 1884?" "Yes, sir." "And in another that you were born in 1885?" "Yes, sir." "Isn't that inconsistent?" "Oh, no," smiled the witness. " I was bom in 1884, and just stayed born. Why, I'm born yet." Then the great lawyer had to recognize that a novelty had been sprung on him.
