himself investigated." And on this point the language of the despatch is very strong. Accordingly, Antony in his letter to me begged me to excuse him: "he could not but obey that letter." Then I sent L. Lamia to him, to point out that Cæsar had told Dolabella to write and bid me come to Italy at the first opportunity: that I had come in consequence of his letter.[1] Thereupon he made a special exception in his edict of myself and Lælius by name. I had much rather he had not done that; for the exception itself could have been made without mentioning names.[2] Oh, what endless, what formidable dangers! However, you are doing your best to mitigate them: and not without success,—the very fact that you take such pains to lessen my distress lessens it. Pray do not get tired of doing so as frequently as possible. Now, you will best succeed in your object, if you can persuade me to think that I have not entirely forfeited the good opinion of the loyalists. And yet what can you do in that regard? Nothing, of course. But if circumstances do give you any opportunity, that is what will best be able to console me. I see that at present this is impossible, but if any thing should turn up in the course of events, as in the present instance! It used to be said that I ought to have left the country with Pompey. His death has disarmed criticism on that sin of omission. But of all things the one most found wanting in me is that I have not gone to Africa. Now my view of the question was this,—I did not think that the constitution ought to be defended by foreign auxiliaries drawn from the most treacherous race, especially against an army that had been frequently victorious. They perhaps disapprove that view. For I hear that many loyalists have arrived in Africa, and I know that there were many there before. On this point I am much pressed. Here again I must trust to luck,—that some of them, or, if possible, all should be found to prefer their personal safety. For if they stick to their colours and
- ↑ Cicero repeats this assertion of Cæsar's invitation afterwards, in answer to Antony's remark that he spared him at Brundisium when he might have killed him. (2 Phil. § 5.)
- ↑ Cicero did not wish his name to be mentioned as specially favoured by Cæsar, for fear of being discredited with the Pompeians, should they eventually prevail. For Lælius, see p. 33.
