promises; but they had as good have, told me that I must reach the sun with my finger, have hidden me receive or rely upon the promises. All my sense and feeling was against me, and I saw I had a heart that would sin, and that lay under a law that would condemn.
80. These things have often made me think of the child which the father brought to Christ, who, while he was yet coming to him, was thrown down by the devil, and also so rent and torn by him that he lay and wallowed, foaming. (Luke ix. 42; Mark ix. 20.)
81. Further, in those days I would find my heart to shut itself up against the Lord and against his holy Word. I have found my unbelief to set as it were the shoulder to the door to keep him out, and that too even then when I have, with many a bitter sigh, cried, Good Lord, break it open; Lord, break these gates of brass, and out these bars of iron asunder. (Ps. cvii. 16.) Yet that word would sometimes create in my heart a peaceable pause: "I girded thee, though thou hast not known me" (Iss. xlv. 5).
82. But all this while, as to the act of sinning, I was never more tender than now; my conscience now was sore, and would smart at every touch. I could not now tell how to speak my words, for fear I should misplace them. Oh, how cautiously did I then go in all I did or said! I found myself as in a miry bog that shook if I did but stir, and was, as there, left both of God and Christ, and the Spirit, and all good things.
83. But I observed, though I was such a great sinner before conversion, yet God never touch charged the guilt of the sins of my ignorance upon me; only he showed me I was lost if I had not Christ, because I had been a sinner. I saw that I wanted a perfect righteousness to present me without fault before. God, and this righteousness was nowhere to be found. but in the person of Jesus Christ.
84. But my original and inward pollution—that that was
