Scene 8.
Colonel Jolly (brought in a Chair) Aurelia, Cutter, Worm,
Will, Ralph, other Servants.
Joll.Oh! I ha' vomited out all my guts, and all my entrails—
Aur.Oh my dear Father!
Joll.I'm going, daughter——— ha' ye sent the pocky Doctor and the plaguy 'Pothecary to a Justice o' Peace to be examin'd?
Will.Yes, Sir, your Worship's Steward and the Constable are gone with 'em; does your Worship think they did it out o' malice, and not by a mistake? if I had thought they did, I'd a hang'd 'em presently, that you might ha' seen it done before you dy'd.
Joll.Huh, huh, huh! I think that Rogue the Doctor did it, because I beat him t'other day in our drinking! huh, huh, huh!
Aur.No, Sir, (O my dear father) no, Sir, you little think who were the Contrivers of your murder, e'en my Cousin Luce and her Gallant—Oh Lord— 'tis discover'd by a miraculous providence— they'r both together in her Chamber now, and there we overheard 'em as it pleas'd— these two Gentlemen heard 'em as well as I———
Joll.Can they be such Monsters? Oh! I'm as hot as Lucifer— Oh—Oh———! what did you hear e'm say?— Oh my stomach!
Cut.Why that they had a Plot———
Aur.And that the Doctor and 'Pothecary had done it very well.
Wor.I and your Niece ask'd if he thought the Poison were strong enough.
Aur.There never was such an Impudence!
Will.How murder will out! I always thought, fellow Ralph, your Mistris Lucia was naught with that young smooth-fac'd Varlet; do you remember, Ralph, what I told you in the Butteries once?
[Enter Lucia.Aur.Here she comes! O Impudence!
Joll.Oh! Oh! Oh!— go all aside a little, and let me speak with her alone. Come hither, Niece——— Oh! Oh—! you see by what accident 'thas pleas'd——— huh— huh— huh— to take away your loving Uncle, Niece! huh:—
Luc.I see't, Sir, with that grief which your misfortune and mine in the loss of you does require.
Joll. and Luc: talk together.Cut.There's a devil for you; but, Captain, did you hear her speak o' poison, and whether it were strong enough?
Wor.No, but I love to strike home when, I do a business, I'm for through-stich; I'm through pac'd, what a pox should a man stand mincing?
Luc.I hope, Sir, and have faith, that you'l recover!
But, Sir, because the danger's too apparent,
And who (alas) knows how `Heaven may dispose of you? before it grow too late (after your blessing) I humbly beg one Boon upon my knees.
But, Sir, because the danger's too apparent,
And who (alas) knows how `Heaven may dispose of you? before it grow too late (after your blessing) I humbly beg one Boon upon my knees.
Joll.What is't (rise up Niece) Oh—I can deny you nothing at this time sure!
Luc.It is (I wo' not rise, Sir, till you grant it)
That since the love 'twixt Truman and my self
Has been so sixt, and like our fortunes equal,
Ye would be pleas'd to sign before your death,
The confirmation of that Love, our Contract,
And when your Soul shall meet above, my fathers,
As soon as he has bid you welcome thither,
He'l thank you for this goodness to his daughter;
I do conjure you, Sir, by his memory!
By all your hopes of happiness hereafter!
In a better world! and all your dearest wishes of happiness for those whom ye love most, and leave behind you here!
That since the love 'twixt Truman and my self
Has been so sixt, and like our fortunes equal,
Ye would be pleas'd to sign before your death,
The confirmation of that Love, our Contract,
And when your Soul shall meet above, my fathers,
As soon as he has bid you welcome thither,
He'l thank you for this goodness to his daughter;
I do conjure you, Sir, by his memory!
By all your hopes of happiness hereafter!
In a better world! and all your dearest wishes of happiness for those whom ye love most, and leave behind you here!
Joll.You ha' deserv'd so well o' me Niece, that 'tis impossible to deny you any thing; where's gentle Mr. Truman?
Luc.In the next room, Sir, waiting on your will
As on the Sentence of his life and death too.
As on the Sentence of his life and death too.
Joll.Oh———I'm very sick———pray bring him in.
Luc.A thousand Angels guard your life, Sir!
[Exit.Or if you die, carry you up to heaven.
[Exit.Or if you die, carry you up to heaven.
Wor.Was there ever such a young dissembling Witch?
Cut.Here's Woman in perfection!
The Devil's in their tails and in their tongues!
Their possest both ways!
The Devil's in their tails and in their tongues!
Their possest both ways!
Joll.Will; Ralph, is Jeremy there too? be ready when I speak to you.
Enter Truman, Lucia, (veil'd.)
Trum.Our prayers are heard, 'tis as we wish'd, dear Lucia, Oh this blest hour!
Joll.Take him and carry him up to the Green Chamber— Oh my belly— lock him in sure there, till you see what becomes of me; if I do die, he and his Mistris shall have but an ill Match of it at Tyburn. Oh my Guts— lock up Luce too in her Chamber.
Trum.What do ye mean, Gentlemen? are ye mad?
Will.We mean to lock you up safe, Sir, for a great Jewel as you are!
Luc.Pray hear me all.
Exit all the Servants, with Truman and Lucia several ways.Joll.Away with 'em.
Aur.How do you, Sir? I hope you may o're-come it, your Natures strong, Sir.
Joll.No, 'tis impossible; and yet I find a little ease, but 'tis but a flash— Aurelia— Oh there it wrings me again— fetch me the Cordial-glass in the Cabinet window, and the little Prayer-book; I would fain repent, but it comes so hardly— I am very unfit to die, if it would please Heaven— so, set down the Glass— there— give me—
Aur.The Prayer-book, Sir, 's all mouldy, I must wipe it first.
Joll.Lay it down too— so— it begins t'asswage a little— there lay down the Book; 'twill but trouble my Brains now I'm a dying.
Enter Will.
Will.Here's the Widow, Sir, without, and Mrs. Tabitha her daughter, they have heard o' your misfortune, and ha' brought Mr. Knock-down to comfort you.
Joll.How? everlasting Knock-down! will they trouble a Man thus when he's a dying? Sirrah! Blockhead! let in Joseph Knock-down, and I'l send thee to Heaven afore me; I have but an hour or two to live perhaps, and that's not enough for him I'm sure to preach in!
Will.Shall Mrs. Barebottle come in, Sir?
Joll.That's a She Knock-down too; well, let her come in— huh! huh! huh! I must bear all things patiently now; but Sirrah, Rogue! take heed o' Joseph Knock-down, thou shalt not live with ears if Joseph Knock-down enter.
Enter Widow, Tabitha.
Wid.How de' you Neighbour Colonel? how is't? take comfort.
Joll.Cut off in the flower o' my age, Widow.
Wid.Why, Man's life is but a Flower, Mr. Jolly, and the Flower withers, and Man withers, as Mr. Knock-down observed last Sabbath-day at Evening Exercise; But, Neighbour, you'r past the Flower, you'r grown old as well as I———
Joll.I'the very flower; that damn'd Quack-salver———
Tabith.Me-thoughts he was the ugliest fellow, Mother,
And they say he's a Papish too, forsooth.
And they say he's a Papish too, forsooth.
Wid.I never liked a Doctor with a Red Nose; my Husband was wont to say— how do you, Mrs. Aurelia? comfort your self, we must all die sooner or later; to day here, to morrow gone.
Joll.Oh the torture of such a tongue! would I were dead already, and this my Funeral Sermon.
Wid.Alas poor man! his tongue I warrant yee is hot as passes; you have a better memory than I, Tabitha, tell him what Mr. Knock-down said was a Saints duty in tormenting sicknesses, now Poison's a great tormentor.
Joll.Oh! Oh!——— this additional Poison will certainly make an end of me!
Wid.Why seek for spiritual Incomes, Mr. Colonel; I'l tell you what my Husband Barebottle was wont to observe (and he was a Colonel too) he never sought for Incomes but he had some Blessing followed immediately; once he sought for 'em in Hartfordshire, and the next day he took as many Horses and Arms in the Country as serv'd to raise three Troops; another time he sought for 'em in Bucklersbury, and three days after a friend of his, that he owed five hundred pounds too, was hang'd for a Malignant, and the Debt forgiven him by the Parliament; a third time he sought for 'em in Hartfordshire———
Tabith.No, Mother, 'twas in Worcester-shire, forsooth.
Wid.I, Child, it was indeed in Worcester-shire; and within two months after the Dean of Worcester's Estate fell to him.
Joll.He sought for 'em once out o' my Estate too, I thank him; Oh my head!
Wid.Why truly, Neighbour Colonel, he had that but for his Penny, and would have had but a hard Bargain of it, if he had not by a friends means of the Councel hook'd in two thousand pounds of his Arrears.
Cut.For shame let's relieve him; Colonel, you said you had a mind to settle some affairs of your Estate with me, and Captain Worm here.
Wid.I'l leave you then for a while, pray send for me, Neighbor, when you have a mind to't Heaven strengthen you; come, Tabitha.
[Exit Wid. Tab. Aur.Joll.Aurelia, go out with them, and leave us three together for half an hour.
Stay you, Will, and reach me the Cordial; I begin to hope that my extreme violent fit of Vomiting and Purging has wrought out all the Poison, and sav'd my life— my Pain's almost quite gone, but I'm so sore and faint——— give me the Glass.
Stay you, Will, and reach me the Cordial; I begin to hope that my extreme violent fit of Vomiting and Purging has wrought out all the Poison, and sav'd my life— my Pain's almost quite gone, but I'm so sore and faint——— give me the Glass.
Wor.What d' you mean, Colonel? you will not doat, I hope, now you'r dying? drink I know not what there, made by a Doctor and a 'Pothecary? Drink a cup o' Sack, Man; healing Sack; you'l find your old Antidote best.
Cut.H'as reason, Colonel, it agrees best with your nature; 'tis good to recover your strength———as for the danger, that's past, I'm confident, already.
Jol.Dost thou think so, honest Cutter? fetch him a Bottle o' Sack, Will, for that news; I'le drink a little my self, one little Beer-glass.
Cut.Poor creature! he would try all ways to live!
Joll.Why if I do die, Cutter, a Glass o' Sack will do me no hurt I hope; I do not intend to die the Whining way, like a Girl that's afraid to lead Apes in Hell—
Enter Will, with a Bottle & great Glass
So, give it me; a little fuller,— yet— it warms exceedingly— and is very Cordial— So,— fill to the Gentlemen.
Enter Will, with a Bottle & great Glass
So, give it me; a little fuller,— yet— it warms exceedingly— and is very Cordial— So,— fill to the Gentlemen.
[Sings.Wor.Let's drink, let's drink, whilst breath we have;
You'l find but cold, but cold drinking in the Grave.
You'l find but cold, but cold drinking in the Grave.
Cut.A Catch 'ifaith! Boy, go down, Boy, go down,
And fill us t'other quart,
That we may drink the Colonel's health
And fill us t'other quart,
That we may drink the Colonel's health
Wor.That we may drink the Colonel's health
Both.Before that we do part.
Wor.Why dost thou frown, thou arrant Clown?
Hey boyes——— Tope—
Hey boyes——— Tope—
Joll.Why this is very cheerly! pray let's ha' the Catch that we made t' other night against the Doctor.
Wor.Away with't, Cutter; hum———
Come fill us the Glass o' Sack.
Come fill us the Glass o' Sack.
Cut.What Health do we lack?
Wor.Confusion to the Quack.
Both.Confound him, Confound him,
Diseases all around him.
Diseases all around him.
Cut.And fill again the Sack,
Wor.That no man may Lack,
Cut.Confusion to the Quack,
Both.Confusion to the Quack,
Confound him, Confound him,
Diseases all Around him.
Confound him, Confound him,
Diseases all Around him.
Wor.He's a kind of Grave-maker,
Cut.A Urinal Shaker,
Wor.A wretched Groat-taker,
Cut.A stinking close-Stool raker,
Wor.He's a Quack that's worse than a Quaker.
Both.He's a Quack, &c.
Wor.Hey, Boys— Gingo—
Joll.Give me the Glass, Will. Ile venture once more what e're come on't, here's a Health to the Royal Travailer, and so Finis Coronat.
Wor.Come on Boys, Vivat; have at you agen then.
Now a Pox on the Poll, of old Politique Noll.
Now a Pox on the Poll, of old Politique Noll.
Both.Wee'l drink till we bring,
In Triumph back the King.
In Triumph back the King.
Wor.May he Live till he see,
Old Noll upon a Tree.
Old Noll upon a Tree.
Wor.And many such as he.
Both.May he Live till, &c.
Joll.I'me very Sick again; Will. help me into my Bed; rest you merry, Gentlemen.
Cut.Nay, we'l go in with him, Captain, he shall not die this bout.
Wor.It's pity but he should, he dos't so bravely; come along then, kiss me, Cutter; is not this better than quarrelling?
Both.May he live till he see, &c.
[Exeunt.Hey for Fidlers now!
[Exeunt.Hey for Fidlers now!