The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift/Volume 12/From Charles Mordaunt to Jonathan Swift - 5

by Charles Mordaunt

FROM THE EARL OF PETERBOROW.

I WAS endeavouring to give an answer to yours in a new dialect, which most of us are very fond of. I depended much upon a lady, who had a good ear, and a pliant tongue, in hopes she might have taught me to draw sounds out of consonants. But she, being a professed friend to the Italian speech and vowels, would give me no assistance, and so I am forced to write to you in the yahoo language.

The new one in fashion is much studied, and great pains taken about the pronunciation. Every body (since a new turn) approves of it; but the women seem most satisfied, who declare for few words and horse performance. It suffices to let you know, that there is a neighing duetto appointed for the next opera.

Strange distempers rage in the nation, which your friend the ^[1] doctor takes no care of. In some, the imagination is struck with the apprehension of swelling to a giant, or dwindling to a pigmy. Others expect an oration equal to any of Cicero's from an eloquent bard, and some take the braying of an ass for the emperor's speech in favour of the Vienna alliance. The knowledge of the ancient world is of no use; men have lost their titles; continents and islands have got new names, just upon the appearance of a certain book^[2]. Women bring forth rabbits^[3]; and every man, whose wife has conceived, expects an heir with four legs. It was concluded not long ago, that such confusion could be only brought about by the black art, and by the spells of a notorious scribbling magician^[4] who was generally suspected, and was to be recommended to the mercy of the inquisition. Indictments were upon the anvil, a charge of sorcery preparing, and Merlin's friends were afraid, that the exasperated pettifoggers would persuade the jury to bring in billa vera. For they pretended to bring in certain proofs of his appearance in several shapes: at one time a drapier^[5]; at another a Wapping surgeon^[6]; sometimes a nardack, sometimes a reverend divine. Nay more, that he could raise the dead; that he had brought philosophers, heroes, and poets, in the same caravan from the other world; and after a few questions, had sent them all to play at quadrille in a flying island of his own.

This was the scene not many days ago, and burning was too good for the wizard. But what mutations among the Lilliputians! The greatest lady in the nation resolves to send a pair of shoes without heels to captain Gulliver: she takes vi et armis the plaid from the lady it was sent to, which is soon to appear upon her royal person; and now, who but captain Gulliver? The captain indeed has nothing more to do but to chalk his pumps, learn to dance upon the rope, and I may yet live to see him a bishop. Verily, verily, I believe he never was in such imminent danger of preferment. Sir, your affectionate tar.

1. Probably Arbuthnot.
2. Gulliver's Travels.
3. Mary Tofts pretended to do this, see p. 213; but being brought up to town, and well watched, the imposture was detected.
4. The dean.
5. In the drapier's letters against Wood's halfpence.
6. Lemuel Gulliver.